Uzumaki Stubbornness
by Yojimbra
Summary: Kushina's body survived the night of Kyuubi's attack. It eventually ended up under the control of Orochimaru. When Orochimaru used the Five Pronged Seal on Naruto Kushina's spirit traveled back into her body. And she wants it back.
1. I'm alive!

"What is it Danzo?" Orochimaru asked. It was rare that the leader of Root asked to see him in person. Rarer still after his exit from Konoha it was too risky.

The aged commander shifted on his cane as though to remind all those present that the cane was little more than show and that he was very much still a capable ninja. "I brought you something that might be of use to your research."

A group of root anbu emerged from behind the trees. They carried a roughly human-sized container. Without a noise, they set the container in front of Orochimaru.

Curiosity gripped Orochimaru. He liked secrets, he liked knowing secrets a lot. With a nod, Danzo signaled for Orochimaru to open the container.

The lid opened easily. Inside was a pale redheaded woman that was breathing regularly due to an apparatus attached to her. It looked like Minato's wife, that Uzumaki woman. "Minato is already dead, why would I want revenge on his wife?"

"Kushina along with Minato used their souls to seal the Kyuubi, Minato died, Kushina's body however still lives. And a living body without a soul must have some use." Danzo knew more than he said. It was behind his every word. Danzo knew about his research.

Orochimaru narrowed his eyes at his mutual conspirator. "I'm certain that I could find some uses for it, but what does this gift cost me?"

Danzo could only smile. "Call it a gesture of good faith for your work with the Senju cells."

XXXX

Years later Orochimaru adored his Uzumaki body. He would almost be sad to leave it once he acquired Sasuke's body. The body would likely still live even after he left it. It truly was a remarkable vessel. He had improved it of course, he took the Uzumaki's natural regeneration to an absurd level such that anything short of a fatal wound would heal quickly.

And then there was the blood. That thick almost ink-like substance that he had coursing through his veins. Uzumaki blood was just a natural binding agent for seals. It was because of this blood that he had been able to create the curse seals as effectively as he did.

The only downside were the chakra chains. Even though he could freely create and dismiss them they failed to heed his command. For years he practiced and researched them. The chains would not heed his call.

And of course, those chakra chains would be rather useful for dealing with the newest Kyuubi Jinchuuriki. The little blond brat was currently charging at him in order to save Sasuke. Admirable really.

"Five-pronged seal!" He channeled his chakra into the tips of his fingers, one for each element and slammed it into the boy's stomach. It'd disrupt the Kyuubi's chakra, the boys as well but without the Kyuubi, the boy was nothing more than a gnat.

To his surprise when Orochimaru made contact with the boy's stomach a blast of feedback hit his arm leaving it slightly numb. Probably nothing more than a bit of the Kyuubi's chakra attempting to return to its former vessel.

He'd look into it later. He had a gift for Sasuke to give after all.

XXXX

She existed.

But at the same time, she didn't

Kushina could feel that she existed. It was unusual. She was dead before right? No that was wrong. She was supposed to help Naruto tame the Kyuubi. But where was Naruto? Was she dead now? Did her baby die? No… Naruto was her son. And her son wouldn't die until he became Hokage. And hopefully had a bunch of adorable grandbabies.

Did Minato's seal fail? Was she released early? She couldn't feel the Kyuubi. She blinked. Wait blinked? She blinked in confusion and her eyes appeared. She could see now! She looked for her hands and they appeared. Then her legs and the rest of her.

"That is the last time I'm ever getting sealed." She stretched her muscles for the first time ever. Each one ached for the first time. It felt good to exist again. "Now where the frick am I?"

Kushina looked around frantically. And she instantly recognized her location. It was where the Kyuubi was stored inside of her. Or used to be. The massive boulder that the beast was chained to loomed in the distance, or what was left of it. It was more a slightly molten bit of rock and metal. Steam still rose from it.

Seals are weird.

With a puff of air Kushina scratched the back of her head in confusion and continued to look around. "Okay, why the hell am I in here?... I mean heck, darn it." It just didn't make any sense. How much time had passed? Why was she inside of her own seal?

"Alright Kushina, think. You're alive… probably. And you're inside of your own seal. What would Minato do?" Kushina paced back and forth, she had only been in here a couple of times. When the Kyuubi was first sealed inside of her, twice when her life was in danger, once when she had to save her wimp of a husband, and lastly when the beast was released.

She frowned for a moment and then began to take a wide strut as she paced. "Well you see Kushina, first I would look at my notes." Kushina began in Minato's voice. "And then I would consult my notes again. Oh and then I would ask Jiraiya-sensei. And finally, I'd come ask you because you're super awesome and I'm totally in love with you." She snorted again and blew out more hot hair.

"Oh, Minato." She said in a girly voice. "Just one problem." She paused for dramatic effect. And then she exploded. "I don't have any of those things except for me!"

Doing her best to appear larger Kushina put on her best stupid guy face. "Hehe I'm a pervert, figure it out yourself girly, you're the Uzumaki."

With a smack of her forehead, Kushina dragged her hand down her face as though to reset it back to normal. "Great. I've only been here for like thirty minutes and I'm already talking to myself ya' know!"

Determined to stay quiet for once in her life Kushina sat down cross-legged and attempted to concentrate. "Inner peace," she mumbled. "Inner peace, inner peace."

The list of people that had tried to get kushina to calm down with meditation is a long list filled with names written into history. The list of people that had given up on it was just as long.

A piece of the still molten rock slide down into the water below it causing it to sizzle.

Kushina grew furious and shot to her feet. With a snort, she stomped towards the offending chunk of scenery. The water didn't splash when she stepped on it nor did it move. The rock itself was neither hot nor cold when Kushina approached it. With a deep frown, Kushina examined the mountain of slag.

She felt it as soon as she saw it. A remnant of the Kyuubi's chakra. She had lived with the beast inside her for two decades, she could recognize its hatred anywhere. It was an odd spirally thing that whirled on its own. "Alright you big stupid fox, what did you leave behind?"

With the same lack of self-preservation so common in Uzumaki Kushina simply touched the vile mass of chakra. It hurt. It hurt a lot. With a scream of defiance, she pushed her hand in deeper. She was rewarded for her efforts.

She saw the outside. This was how the Kyuubi knew what was happening. And she knew that something was wrong with her. Something was very wrong.

Her chakra felt suppressed. And there was another chakra inside of her. Where the Kyuubi's was raw fury and hatred this chakra was vile. She tried to call out to her chakra. It moved, slowly. But the intruding chakra reacted and shut it down instantly.

With a growl of annoyance, Kushina focused on other things. She saw through her eyes once again. It was fuzzy and muddled. She could barely make out any shapes or objects. With a tedious motion, she tried to unblur the sight.

She was greeted with sound.

"The first match is Sasuke Uchiha vs."

Kushina lost focus for a moment at that name. Sasuke. That was the name of Mikoto's child right? Did Mikoto take good care of naruto?... Were napkins considered legally binding documents?

Wait was that actually Sasuke? He was fighting now? It sounded official. How long had she been gone?

With a grunt, Kushina forced her arm back into the residue of the Kyuubi's chakra once more. Once again she ignored the pain and focused hard.

What ever was in control of her body was watching with great interest as Sasuke fought another ninja. To Kushina the boy looked just like Itachi, and so much like Mikoto. She resisted the urge to cheer for Sasuke's victory against the boy. That technique was so cool!

She watched as Sasuke grunted in pain and was forced to a knee once he was pronounced the victor. She could feel the glee from whatever was in control of her body.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Some little girl sounded off.

Kushina suddenly felt very old when she watched Kakashi appear in her view. He was a man now. No longer was he that obnoxious little punk. "I'll take care of him, Sakura, and Don't worry I'll be back in time for your match Naruto."

Her maternal instincts kicked into overdrive. Naruto, Naruto was alive. He was a ninja! He was on Sasuke's team. Kakashi was his sensei. She tried to force the eyes to look towards Naruto. She wanted desperately to see him. But her pleas fell on deaf ears. She could only hope that her eyes would eventually flicker towards Naruto even for the briefest of seconds.

Kushina groaned in frustration when that failed to be the case. Her windows into the outside world left. Still, she heard her child's voice a few times. He was loud like she was.

She was about to cut the connection when she appeared in front of Kakashi once again. Sasuke was on the ground, shirtless. She could feel the displeasure of whatever was in control.

"Orochimaru." Kakashi's voice said.

Her connection was broken as Kushina's anger flared and fed into the Kyuubi's violent chakra.

"Orochimaru?" Kushina asked out loud she even startled herself with how much venom she could say that name with. "Orochimaru?"

She needed to vent. Her eyes locked one one of the massive still smoldering stakes that once held the Kyuubi's limbs. She ran up to it and punched. Nothing happened. She punched again. She craved the satisfying sound her her fleshing breaking the material. She needed it.

But it wasn't happening. Her anger grew and grew. With each failed punch it just compounded on itself. Her anger needed a way out. Fortunately, her mouth still worked. "That snake skinned creepazoid fuck nosed vanilla beaned ass licker! When I get my hands on you Orochimaru I'm going to kick your ass so fucking hard your fucking snake summons will grow ass cheeks because they'll fucking feel it too! You pale face bastard!"

Her words echoed against invisible walls of the seal. Not for the first time did Kushina find herself grateful that the seal was sound proof. The Kyuubi could be a lot louder than she was.

"Okay, Kushina. Think, you're a smart girl." She took a deep long breath. She pretended it helped, but it didn't. "Okay, okay, okay. First things first…. To do list! Right, Sakumo-sensei always said that I needed to prioritize things."

"Okay Item one on the list is getting my body back." Kushina looked around again for a door or a switch that would just let her take control of her body. "Not that easy."

"Okay well, list making failed. What did Jiraiya-sensei say? Oh uh, notice your surroundings so you can use them." A small chunk of Kyuubi's power, even smaller amount of her own chakra, Molten rock designed to hold said Kyuubi that was powered partly by her chakra. Not a lot of useful stuff. "Oh and I'm inside grandma Mito's seal."

Inside a seal.

Kushina blinked as those words. There was an Irony to it, an Uzumaki being sealed inside of anything was just a cruel joke of fate. Though it wasn't all that uncommon either.

"I'm inside a seal!" Kushina shouted happily and quickly ran towards the nearest wall of the seal. "Let's see here, I should be able to access the inner workings of the seal if I can find." Her eyes scanned the non-wall in front of her. It was just blank space that stretched out in all directions, but the seal had a set distance away from the Kyuubi where it just stopped.

Eventually, Kushina found what she was looking for. A small almost invisible seam in the middle of nothing. Even her small fingers had difficulty getting under the almost nonexistent material. Until finally it lifted. With an excited flourish, Kushina ripped off the non-existent veil.

The veil collapsed all around the room, as the pure whiteness fell to the ground black writing began to appear along some nonexistent surface. They pulsed with power each one strengthened by those around it and in turn strengthened by them.

Kushina examined the symbols wide-eyed and with a massive smile. She was a seal! And she was twice the seal master her husband was. He just got all the credit because he somehow figured out how to do that stupid flying thunder god Jutsu. "Pfft who needs to be able to taste what purple smells like when you have all of this?!"

She cracked her knuckles. It was time to get to work. If it was the standard sealing language she'd be able to find a way out in about… twenty… minutes. It wasn't the standard language. "Dammit, grandma Mito! You just had to write it in Nushu script! Stupid old lady language, nobody uses it!"

This would take some time.

XXXX

Kushina's sense of time inside of the seal was practically nonexistent. She didn't feel hunger or need sleep so it was hard to figure what was happening on the outside when she wasn't plugged into the Kyuubi's chakra.

She learned what Orochimaru was up to. He wanted to destroy Konoha. Something Kushina would not allow. He also wanted Sasuke for some reason. Other than that much of his plan was still a mystery to her.

When Orochimaru slept is when Kushina did most of her work anyways. His chakra was less restrictive on hers during that time. Slowly she had managed to bring in a small feed off her chakra into the seal. Once again she was grateful for how thick her chakra was, absolutely wonderful for dealing with seals.

Her plan was simple, she would use the chakra she had gathered with the remnants of the Kyuubi's chakra, to switch places with Orochimaru once he began to use his chakra into a fight. And hopefully, she wouldn't die! That last part was important.

Once more she stuck her arm into the swirling mass of the Kyuubi's chakra. And was rewarded.

XXXX

Orochimaru had to admit that the blonde little Kyuubi brat was certainly entertaining. He had that sort of obnoxious natural dramatic flair that Jiraiya had. Still, he was mostly eager for when Sasuke's match would happen. For that was when the real show would start.

He found himself standing up. He found his foot placed on the high railing, he found himself holding his own arm as he flexed his muscles. His mouth moved. "Ya! Naruto! Kick his ass!"

Orochimaru blinked. That was unexpected. What on earth was that? He didn't have the time to worry about it now. He had to do damage control. Sarutobi-sensei was smiling at him. "Ahh forgive me lord Hokage, I uhh don't know what came over me."

Orochimaru took his seat and pretended his little outburst never happened. His old sensei would not let it go that easily. "Oh, I wasn't aware that you knew young Naruto."

"He's very much like my youngest," Orochimaru said quickly. Hiruzen wouldn't have to buy for much longer anyways.

XXXX

Kushina ripped her arm out of the Kyuubi's chakra as soon as the fight had finished. She had seen her son! Her beautiful baby boy was alive and well! And he kicked that Hyuuga punks butt good!

"My son's an awesome ninja! Oh yea! Go Kushina, you're uterus is awesome and totally not related to Minato's sperm!" She couldn't it help it she had to dance and cry. Her child was alive and well. He was a strong ninja and acted just like she did. He looked so much like Minato. And had the same love of orange that she did! He looked happy, hopefully, that meant Jiraiya did an alright job of raising him.

Still, she needed to see him. She needed to talk to him. To hold him. It was time to put her plan into action. She grabbed her chakra chain that had manifested inside the seal and wrapped it around her body. "I really hope this works!"

She knew the risks. But she was an Uzumaki, they ignored those.

She pushed both of her hands into the last spark of the Kyuubi's chakra and slowly stepped into it. She joined it with her own chakra.

With a feral scream of pain that slowly twisted into a howl of rage and finally into a yell of defiance Kushina merged with the beast's chakra, and channeled it through to her chain, into her chakra network. The scripts of the seals began to dull a bright red.

"It's working! It's working!" She began to laugh in glee as the scripts began to grow closer together. The seal was collapsing on itself. And then she would be free. "This is why you never seal a seal master, especially an Uzumaki one!"

XXXX

Orochimaru could only smile. To see his sensei struggle so hard. It was almost too good. Soon that old man would be dead and Konoha along with it. Finally, he would have his revenge.

Still, he could twist the dagger a bit more just to make the man suffer all the more. "Even somebody like you, who was once hailed as the god of shinobi cannot escape old age, but I have." He slowly peeled away his face.

"It can't be?" Hiruzen could not believe his eyes, more shocking than seeing the first and second Hokage back from the dead. Was the face of Kushina Uzumaki staring right at him? "Kushina?"

"Oh sensei, you wouldn't believe how wonderful her body has been, the Uzumaki truly were a wonderful people, it's a shame that they wiped themselves out." Orochimaru gave a soft chuckle.

"You're no longer human Orochimaru, you've become a demon."

Orochimaru could only laugh. "Then why don't you seal him like one?" He didn't remember saying that. Why did he say that? Something was wrong. His chakra was a mess. He could feel the turmoil.

A chakra chain shot out from his hand and went limp. He tried to recall it, but it wasn't listening. Most unusual. A bit of his slick black hair fell away. And a red strand fell into place.

He would have to finish this quickly.

XXXX

Kushina smiled as the Seal flipped itself inside out. She was rocketed back into her body and into a direct conflict with Orochimaru. Her chakra chains were still there and still heeded her call alone. They were indestructible chakra constructs once she created one it was with her forever.

She could feel, the air felt good on her skin. She could see. She could hear. But she could not move. Orochimaru was still in direct control.

She watched in horror as Orochimaru continued his assault on Sarutobi. Until the old man appeared using her Jutsu. Her dead demon seal Jutsu. Okay, it was technically Minato's but she helped! Her name was just under his.

With a silent roar, Kushina exerted her strength and forced Orochimaru to stand still as Hiruzen charged at him. "What is going on?" She heard Orochimaru shout.

Hiruzen smiled and was about to answer.

"He's using the dead demon seal you, idiot," Kushina answered for him using her mouth. "Your soul is going to be eaten by the Shinigami." she laughed. As more of Orochimaru's soul was pulled out of her, she could feel her control return.

"Kushina is that you?" Hiruzen asked hopefully.

"Kushina? What?" Her mouth said in Orochimaru's voice.

"Of course it's me, old man. Did you really think I would let this snake bastard stay in control of my body?!" Kushina roared. The limp chakra chain sprang to life. She had so much control now. It flared red with the remnants of the Kyuubi's chakra. It pierced the soul of Orochimaru and wrapped twice around it.

She began to pull it out.

Orochimaru could do little as he felt his being slowly slip away. He couldn't move his mouth anymore. He could barely watch in horror as his soul was slowly forced out of Kushina's body.

Hiruzen smiled when Orochimaru was completely sealed inside of him. "Kushina listen I'm sorry about."

Kushina didn't let the old man talk as she hugged him. "You just gave your life for me old man, Whatever you're apologizing for you've more than made up for it." for a long moment they hugged the old man until his body went limp.

"Now to find Naruto." She stood proud and wiped a tear away.

 **AN: Hey ya'll! I got requested to write a non romantic fic. So uhh I decided to bring Kushina back! In a werid ass way! So now there's going to be like Family fluff instead of romantic fluff. Hope ya'll like the idea.  
**  
 **I mostly wrote this because all of my beta's have like vanished or something. Or are AFK so you guys get this!**

 **Right where was I?... uhh Beta'd by Grammarly.**

 **Anyways, still trying to get a good Narusaku idea going, I'll be starting the next chapter of Finding An Alpha pretty much right after I upload this. The Sound of Freedom is coming!... Eventually! I think... Need to kick that beta in the butt.**


	2. I'm in prison!

Kushina peeled at the flesh like Orochimaru mask that was on her face. It felt like a combination of rubber and snakeskin. It felt so weird like her entire body was covered in snakes. And that there were snakes inside of her. "Guh Orochimaru what the hell was wrong with you?"

She felt like puking. Something was coming up. It was wiggling. "Oh god." Kushina lurched forward and a long snake was forced out of her mouth along with whatever Orochimaru had for lunch.

The snake looked at her.

Kushina looked at the snake. That was inside of her? She heaved again and her stomach emptied itself all over the snake. She braced herself against one of the branches and heaved again. A foul-smelling bile came out this time.

Kushina licked her lips involuntarily and cringed at the bitter taste of her inner fluids. "And I thought it was bad when I found a toad in Minato's bed." Having a snake in her stomach was just unsettling. She had eaten cooked snake before. But that was dead… and tasted good.

Kushina ran her hand through her hair, it felt sticky and wet. She examined her hand and found it covered with a viscous black fluid. She flung it to the ground and it stuck there in a globule of whatever the hell it was.

She could still feel a lot of Orochimaru's chakra still in her system. It was currently wreaking havoc on her body. She set the remnant of the Kyuubi's chakra free on it. It consumed Orochimaru's chakra hungrily. It made the little bit of the Kyuubi's chakra more powerful, but she had dealt with that her whole life, she'd rather not try and learn how to deal with Orochimaru's chakra.

"I wonder if Ichiraku's is still open…. I wonder if Naruto likes to eat there." She pulled another globule of the hair gunk out off of her head and flung it on the ground like a giant blood-filled booger. She could already feel her hair growing. "Maybe after a nice long bath."

She was still covered in Orochimaru's skin like stuff. It was so gross.

A hum went through the air and Kushina felt the wind for the first time. She turned quickly to watch the barrier fade from existence. In a second she was surrounded. Four ninjas appeared next to her

They looked like a sound ninja.

"Lord Orochimaru are you okay?" Kushina looked at the second head that spoke to her. Apparently, five ninja appeared next to her.

"We should get the fuck out of here the Anbu are here." A short little redhead said.

Kushina gave an awkward laugh. "Actually I'm not Orochimaru." A squad of Anbu appeared along with the Captain of the Anbu.

"Shit we wasted to much time!" the redhead shouted in raw annoyance. "Jugo just grabs him and we'll run!"

The large man tried to grab Kushina. But she managed to sidestep away from him. "Hey, not Orochimaru!"

The Anbu captain spoke first. "Orochimaru you are under arrest for the murder of the third Hokage, Come peacefully or die where you stand."

Kushina looked around at the crowd. They were all looking towards her. Is this how Minato felt when he was Hokage. Still, the Anbu would try to kill her. And these Sound ninja looked ready for a fight. She could probably fight them and live.

"I'm not Orochimaru but I surrender anyways!" She stuck her arms straight up in the air as a sign of defeat.

"Fucking what?" The read head spat. But she dropped her flute regardless.

"Also my name is Kushina Uzumaki, and I'm fairly certain I'm Allergic to being sealed."

XXXX

"Can I at least get a nice bath first?" Kushina asked the Anbu guard that was needlessly rough with her. She knew what Anbu protocol was and she was ninety percent certain that didn't add be a massive bitch since she was in it.

Without another word from the Anbu she was shoved blindfolded to the ground. The cell door shut behind her. "Ouch, what the hell no shower, no food, no watch your step. Sheesh, did I kill your dog or something."

"You killed our Hokage." Came the cold reply.

Kushina groaned as she tried to sit up. "Look I already told you that wasn't me it was my body. Orochimaru was in Control of it for like ever ya know and now I'm back in charge and I love Konoha! Hell, I fucked the fourth Hokage!"

There came no reply.

Then she felt her side get kicked. "Good that hit you!" It sounded like the redhead from before. She got kicked again. And again. "You stupid bitch, why the fuck couldn't you have just said run away! Like holy hell now we're in fucking prison because of you!"

"Oww hey quit it!" Kushina said as she was assaulted by the feet of the girl. "Guards my cell mate is being mean to me!"

If the Anbu were even there they didn't say anything.

The girl kicked Kushina harder.

"Oww no really cut that out," Kushina said as she righted herself. Her hands were bound behind her back and given how they thought she was Orochimaru it seemed only right that they placed heavy duty seal blinders on her.

"Are you really not Orochimaru?" The redhead finally asked.

Kushina sighed and attempted to stand up. If she was right there should be a bench or a bed aginst the wall. She found it with the back of her calf and sat down. Instantly her hands went work on her bindings. "Well mostly no. I mean he was using my body like a meat suit for a little bit. But now I'm back in it."

To be fair she was mostly still amazed that she was alive. And the Kyuubi's chakra was still eating away at what Orochimaru had left behind.

"So what happened to him? Is he gone?"

Kushina smiled. "He's as gone as gone could be." The bindings were new, they must have updated them since she last tried to break out of a set. Nothing she couldn't handle. "So what's your name anyways."

"Tayuya, and are you sure he's gone, like you're not going to suddenly turn back into him are you Who are you anyways?"

"Kushina Uzumaki, nice to meet a fellow redhead!" She had a kinship with her fellow reds. even if they didn't always return it. She twisted the binding and felt everything fall into place. It clanked loudly and fell off onto the rough mattress bed. "Ah-ha And Minato always said I was being paranoid."

Ever since she was captured Kushina wanted to make certain that she could break out of any bind eventually. Minato had teased her a bit saying she was paranoid. Jiraiya said other things. Perverted other things that she wanted to hit him for.

"Ahh are you going to escape?" Tayuya asked in a concerned tone.

Kushina snorted. "Not I'm just going to get out of the binding and stuff." Any escape attempt she tried would be bloody. And convincing people you just killed that you were actually on their side and not a crazy person was never a good idea. But letting them know that she choose to stay put had to help her case right?

The sealed blindfold on her eyes was far easier to remove, she could probably do it with just her feet if she really wanted. The idiots left enough of the sealing ink on it to cause it to be raised just enough for her to draw it out.

A bit of blood and the blindfold fell off. The cell was a poorly lit and rather claustrophobic room. Tayuya sat on a bed cross-legged directly opposite from Kushina. "So why did you work for Orochimaru?" Kushina asked.

Kushina watched as Tayuya shifted uncomfortably. She was a small petite girl much like she was at that age. She wondered if Tayuya might be some lost Uzumaki. Especially with that red hair of hers. "Mostly because he put a curse seal on me and bound me to his will."

"Curse seal?" Kushina questioned, she'd never heard of something like that before. Did it function like a Biju seal?

"Yea, he put it on the back of my neck when I was five, for a while it was better than living on the fucking streets." Kushina frowned when the girl suddenly shivered. "Don't know why I'm telling some nutty old lady like you all this, though."

Kushina bristled at that. "I'm not old I'm twenty-four years old!" mentally at least. Though Minato would probably argue that it was younger than that. But her body was... a lot older now. Dammit.

"That's still old!" Tayuya shot back.

"Damn brat." Kushina pursed her lips and huffed. Kushina lacked the ability to deal with silence for very long periods of time. She needed something to make noise, or better yet something to take her mind off of fact that she was stuck in an Anbu cell and her son still needed know she was alive.

Seriously you'd think, Kakashi, Jiraiya, Mikoto, even that bastard Fugaku would look into the crazy lady claiming to be Kushina.

"So can I look at your cursed seal?" Kushina asked out of nowhere.

Blindfolded Tayuya's head snapped towards the noise quickly. "Why the fuck would you want to do that?"

Kushina smiled. "Well I'm an Uzumaki, seals are kinda my thing, heck if it bothers you I could probably remove it."

Tayuya's body shifted at that. it became more relax and almost hopeful. "Can you take the mask off to? I like to look people in the face when I talk to them."

"Good trade!" Kushina said that with more pep than she meant to. Seals excited her almost as much as ramen.

Kushina stared in the dim light at the complex seal that Orochimaru had developed. It was more of a mark than a seal really. Still, some of the basic concepts were the same just on a small scale. She could feel a connection to the seal now that she touched it.

The bastard had used her blood as one of the binding agents. It looked like it was mixed with something else, though. Still ignoring the unknown Kushina pushed her chakra deeper into the seal. There was some of Orochimaru's still in there. It was tangible. the rest, however, felt closer to the senjutsu stuff that Jiraiya tried to teach Minato.

She pulled up some of the recently created Kyuubi chakra. It was just a whisp of it really. Still, it should be able to eat Orochimaru's inside of Tayuya's seal. "Okay, this might hurt a little bit Tayuya."

"If it get's the seal off me I'll suck your dick."

Kushina smiled, despite all of the girl's swearing she liked Tayuya. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she reminded her of a little her. Without wasting another second Kushina plunged the wisp of Kyuubi's chakra down into the curse seal.

It was like setting fire to a book. Kushina pushed her own chakra along with it to make certain that the Kyuubi's chakra wouldn't attack Tayuya anymore than she needed it to.

Tayuya gasped and groaned in pain. But she remained steadfast. Kushina almost felt proud of the girl.

After a few minutes, the curse seal was purged.

"Well, how do you feel?" Kushina rub Tayuya's back slightly, in an attempt to comfort the girl. But mostly to wipe the sweat from her hand. The senjutsu aspect of the seal was still in place but whatever was left of Orochimaru was gone.

Tayuya laughed and gave an exasperated smile. "Like you just pulled a giant splinter out of my eye"

XXXX

By the third day, they stopped putting the binding on her. She only had to break out of them a dozen times the last of which she did with the Anbu guard watching. It was a shame that they had separated her from Tayuya rather quickly. The girl was fun.

"I'm bored." She groaned it out like it was some ultimate crime against humanity. "Hey, Mr. Anbu can you like just go get, Kakashi or Jiraiya for me. I'm certain that they'd be able to tell you who I am." Seriously all these Anbu guys were annoying, they never said anything.

She was met with silence.

She shot up from the bed and assumed a cross-legged sitting position as she glared at the Anbu. It didn't make any sense. Surely if Jiraiya knew that Orochimaru was captured he'd come running to talk to him. Kakashi she could see avoiding her because that was a weird little kid that was a broken mess last she checked.

Great ninja horrible human being.

A door echoed from down the hallway. She perked up instantly hopefully that the noise meant visitors and something to do besides stare at a wall and make faces at the Anbu.

Kakashi walked in front of her cell door. He was taller than she remembered and was reading some weird orange book. Still, a familiar face that wasn't dying or trying to kill her was a welcome sight. She gave him a small wave and took a page out of his book. "Yo"

"Y...yo." Kakashi waved back in a state of shock. He had been told that Orochimaru was claiming to be Kushina Uzumaki. But he wasn't expecting to see a literal copy of Kushina sitting in front of him.

"How have you been Kakashi?" Kushina knew that Kakashi was a bit slow when it came to social aspects of life, she wanted to ask him about Naruto but she needed to ease him into that.

"Good, good." That was all he could say. "Can you explain what happened?"

Kushina rocked on her butt for a moment. She held her feet the same way she always had when she didn't have a proper seat or something to do with her hands. "Do you mean the night me and Minato died, or whole Orochimaru using my body like a meat suit for years, How long has it been by the way?"

"Almost thirteen years," Kakashi said slowly. His eyes narrowed. "I saw your body, you and sensei were dead, how can you expect me to believe that Orochimaru somehow brought it back to life and."

"Look, I thought I was dead too okay! That's why I made Minato seal some of my chakra into the seal with Naruto, so that I'd be able to see him just once, even for a little bit. So that I could help him when he decided to confront the Kyuubi. I thought I was dead." Kushina cut Kakashi off then and there. She knew it wasn't to her advantage to get angry here. But damn did it feel good.

"I'm just as confused as to how I'm alive! But this is my body I know that much, And as for Orochimaru the old man took his soul with him with the Dead Demon Seal." Kushina sighed and ran a hand through her hair. A lengthy process, she missed her super long hair, though it would likely only take a couple months to get back to the length she liked.

Kakashi snorted and flipped his book with his finger. "And you expect us to believe any of that? I don't know what you expect to gain by pretending to be Kushina but."

For the second time that day Kushina interrupted Kakashi. Not with words but with action.

The last of Orochimaru's chakra had been consumed by the Kyuubi's chakra. It felt good not to be suppressed by that chakra anymore. Six chains ripped from her back and buried themselves deep into the wall between the Anbu and Kakashi.

"How many people have these chains Kakashi?" Kushina asked, even among the Uzumaki they were a rare trait. And Kushina's chains were beyond all others. The Adamantine sealing chains were hers and hers alone. But she wasn't done. In her right hand, she produced something that Minato had taught her.

"The Rasengan?" Kakashi choked out. That combined with the Adamantine Sealing Chains were as close to proof as proof could get.

Kushina looked at her hand. "Holy shit It actually worked!" She never actually completed the Rasengan. Stupid Minato said that it wasn't something that could be taught. "Guess my chakra control goes up when I'm mad ya know?"

"I don't believe it." The Anbu beside Kakashi muttered. It was a female voice. "It's really you Kushina-sensei?"

Kushina smiled, there was only one person that called her sensei. Yugao. "Oh my Yugao, so you're in Anbu now? That's awesome! Did my lessons help you get your father to teach you?"

Yugao kept her mask on but nodded eagerly.

"Yugao, do me a favor and go get Shikaku and Inoichi," Kakashi said with authority.

The chains blocked her way. "Uhh Kushina-sensei, the chains?"

"Oh uh right" It was always a pain to retract her chakra chains, it was like coiling up a regular chain, just with chakra. It took far too long for Kushina's tastes. Once she did the chains dropped to the floor and Yugao sped away. "So what's the plan Kakashi?"

"Well you have me convinced that You're Kushina, now you're going to have to convince Shikaku, who will probably end up asking that Inoichi probes your brain to make certain you're not Orochimaru," Kakashi explained with a shrug.

Kushina sighed. "Well, I suppose that's about as much trust I can get from you."

"I was taught to expect the unexpected."

Kushina smiled that phrase brought back good memories. "Minato started saying that because he was dating me Ya' know?"

"It still applies." Kakashi shrugged once more and flipped a page in his book. All he had to do now was to wait for Shikaku and Inoichi to show up and then.

"What'cha reading?" Kushina asked politely. She attempted to read the title on the side of the book but could only make out the title Icha Icha.

"Icha Icha Paradise, Lord Jiraiya wrote it," Kakashi explained dully. He remembered then why he and Kushina never got along very well. The woman lacked the ability to shut up for more than a minute unless she was doing something.

Kushina clapped her hands. She liked Jiraiya's first book a lot. Enough to name Naruto after the character Naruto. "Ooh is it any good?"

"It's my favorite series of books." A dangerous idea popped into Kakashi's head. "Would you like to read it?"

He might as well have asked Naruto if he wanted ramen.

 **Hello! Still no beta for this and I think I'm going to keep it that way. Unless I get like fifty reviews all asking for me to get a god damn beta.**

 **But anyways this turned out to be more popular than I thought so I hope you all enjoy chapter two!**

 **Finding an Alpha is currently in beta and should be out soon. I also uploaded an Odd little One-shot so have a look at Pink Haired Boy.**

 **I'll be starting The Sound of Freedom Third Chapter like right after I upload this. Which means MORE TAYUYA FOR ME OH YEA!**

 **... I'll work on my NaruSaku Romance eventually... to the like three people that actually want me to do that.**

 **Until next time!**


	3. I wanna be hokage!

"Can we get some ramen real quick?" She was hungry, hungry for real food. It seemed like it had been forever since she had gotten Ramen from Ichiraku's. The old man would probably give her a free bowl or two for coming back from the dead.

Kakashi sighed and leaned back against the chair in the interrogation room. Shikaku and Inoichi had insisted on having a formal interrogation of Kushina, behind the glass in the observation room was Danzo, Choza, the advisors to the third, and a dozen other Jonin and the like.

He really would have liked a few more days of bed rest after that fight with Itachi. But no Kushina just had to come back to life?

"After you let Inoichi into your mind and let him see everything." Shikaku sighed hating to repeat himself. "I'll give you this you're certainly as annoying as the real Kushina."

Kushina huffed and folded her arms across her chest. "You remember what happened during the chunin exams, Inoichi screamed in terror for like a week because he got pulled into the Kyuubi's seal! Now that I turned it inside out I don't know what will happen!"

"I was thirteen! What thirteen-year old wouldn't piss themselves at seeing a giant fox nearly bite their heads off." Inoichi glared at Kushina that was a completely and utterly humiliating defeat during their chunin exams. It was why he told Ino to never use the Jutsu on Naruto. "Besides, the fox is sealed in somebody else now."

"Naruto." Kushina snapped quickly. "The fox is sealed in Naruto my son, stop pretending like you're keeping a secret away from me."

Shikaku sighed. "You keep saying that but we don't know it's you-"

Kushina stood up quickly and slammed her hand down on the table. "Shikaku, Yoshino has a mole on the top of her right butt cheek, and a birthmark on her right boob. Inoichi, you asked me out once and I said yes because I thought you were a girl!"

"You promised to never tell anybody that!" Inoichi stood up sharply and slammed both of his hands down on the table.

"Ha, so you admit I'm me!" Kushina shouted and snapped her fingers. It was such a simple victory. When she was younger she thought boys were icky and gross, and that girls were cute. Especially Mikoto she was so pretty. It was actually a compliment that she thought Minato was girly. Shame she could never get him to grow his hair out super long.

Inoichi slammed himself back down into his chair and huffed. "Yea fine, you appear to be Kushina or at least have all of her memories." He looked at Shikaku.

"I'll admit that you appear to know things that Kushina would know. But it still doesn't explain why you won't." Shikaku began again.

Kushina interrupted him with a snort. "I said I flipped the seal inside-out. And if he goes in there and something wonky happens then you are all going to overreact call me Orochimaru and then I'm never going to see my son!"

"How do you even turn a seal inside out?" Kakashi asked simply. He didn't even know why he was in this room. Perhaps they were scared that she really was Orochimaru and wanted him there.

Kushina blinked in confusion and began to twist her hands like she was fiddling with a puzzle box. "Well with Nushu script the trick was to find the corner rune and then with the chakra that's being used to power the seal you wrap it around twice over and lead it through the third gate before you just kind of pull."

The room sat in silence for a few long seconds as they tried to process what exactly Kushina just said.

"So what's inside the seal now?" Shikaku asked, his understanding of seals was lacking, to say the least. He just couldn't wrap his head around them. It required a different kind of smart than what he had.

Inoichi was even more lost.

"There is no inside." Her response was automatic.

"But you flipped it inside out so now the outside is in?"

Kushina rolled her eyes it was like talking to children. "Seals don't have an outside they have an inside that they keep stuff in."

The room fell into an awkward silence once more.

"If there's no inside then how would I get trapped in there," Inoichi asked in frustration.

Kushina sighed and sat back down in her chair. "Because seals are weird okay! But fine, go ahead and do your thing."

Inoichi nodded and began to perform his Jutsu. In a moment his mind was sent into Kushina's. His body fell over slack.

Kushina leaned forward just a second. And the inhaled sharply and looked around the room in raw confusion. "Woah this is weird." Her gaze stopped at Inoichi's head. "Oh, just great Inoichi I told you something weird would happen!"

Kakashi leaned forward rather confused. "Kushina what's happening?"

"I'm not Kushina I'm Inoichi," Kushina said plainly then her face made a sudden twitch. "You idiot, you're in my body, I swear at least your not as bad as Orochimaru, Hold still and don't touch anything I might be able to undo this, wait no don't Kushina this is fine. I can see your memories fine like this, let's see here."

"Hey wait that's private don't start remembering those!" Kushina's face twisted in horror. "There are some things I did not want to know about Minato. I told you not to look! Here look over here! Here's the night the Kyuubi attack. Look there's that orange masked guy with the Sharingan. Stop looking at my sex life."

Kushina's body slid down in the chair and gave Inoichi body a swift tap in the nuts. "Ha, I didn't feel that. You're going to! Now stop looking at that stuff. Wow, you had huge crush on Mikoto, didn't you? She was pretty okay!"

Shikaku massaged the bridge of his nose for a moment quite uncertain of what to make of the scene before him. "Inoichi, can you please just tell us if that is without a shadow of a doubt Kushina?"

"Yep she's Kushina alright, there's no trace of Orochimaru in her. Everything she said happened is there." Kushina spoke and nodded slowly. "See I told you so!"

"Inside your own body please Inoichi," Kakashi said with a sigh.

"Ahh right of course." Kushina brought her hands up and began to go through a similar Jutsu to what Inoichi just did.

Inoichi sat up suddenly and gasped for air. "When you said the Seal would do something Wonky I wasn't expecting that." It was a low mumble. "It is in my opinion that this woman is indeed Kushina Uzumaki and that all events happened as she described including the Kyuubi attack and the death of the third."

Kushina cheered and shot up to her feet. "Alright! Can I see my son now? Oh and ramen. Naruto likes ramen right? Kakashi he's your pupil right, treat us to a mother-son ramen date." It had been three days of just sitting and waiting so that she didn't end up having her entire village trying to murder her for going to see Naruto and now she was in the clear.

"About that." Kakashi began slowly.

The door opened up and Koharu, Homura, and with Danzo entered the now slightly cramped room.

"Welcome back to the world of the living Kushina," Koharu said with a small polite bow. "Unfortunately young Naruto is currently out of the village."

Kushina's face scrunched in confusion. "Ahh what happened to not letting the Jinchuuriki out of the village because we were important to the safety and well-being of Konoha?" It pissed her off to no end that she was barely allowed outside of the city wall unless she was with Minato or no less than two Anbu.

Homura sighed. "That rule largely applied to wartime. And you considering your deplorable sense of direction."

"Hey, I didn't get lost that often Ya know!" Kushina huffed. Her sense of direction was perfect. If she had a map… and had somebody to read the map… or was inside Konoha she knew her way to all the important places like the back of her hand.

"I found you in the forest once because you wanted to get Ramen." Shikaku reminded her. She actually looked like she had gone feral as well and was trying to hunt a deer out of hunger. "Minato said you left to get ramen an hour ago."

Feeling her face grow hot at the topic Kushina decided that it would be in her interest to change the subject. "Okay my sense of direction aside, why is Naruto out of the village and who is he with?!"

Koharu stepped forward and gave a said smile. "Jiraiya asked to take him while he searched for Lady Tsunade. He probably would have stayed behind if we told him about you but we didn't want to have Orochimaru captured influence his decision."

Kushina's left eye twitch. "What the hell kind of decision would be yes or no if he knew I was alive?... err that Orochimaru was in prison or what ever. This is so confusing."

"His decision to become Hokage, we offered the position to him, but he refused and went out to find Tsunade to become Hokage." Homura pushed up the rims of his glasses as he explained and appeared to be counting down for something.

Kushina thought for a long moment and Koharu slowly began to smile. Shikaku began to preemptively massage his temples for a headache that was about to come.

"I can become Hokage instead ya know," Kushina said with a wide smile on her face. If she became Hokage she could surprise Naruto with a whole guess what! You're the son of not one but two Hokage. Oh, and you totally weren't convinced on that desk. "I was third on the list after Minato, and Orochimaru after all."

Koharu allowed her teeth to show as her grin threatened to break her aging face. "I knew that you would say that my girl!" She walked over and hooked her arms with Kushina and began to lead her out of the room. "Now let's get ready to make it official."

"Just a moment," Danzo said with a cough. "Kushina, are you certain that you remember nothing from your time as Orochimaru?"

After a second to regain her balance Kushina looked up into Danzo's singular eye. "Honestly I don't remember anything. I just woke up in the Kyuubi's seal and he was in control of my body, There's nothing but me in my brain now."

Danzo grumbled and didn't appear to be either happy or sad about the admission. "Additionally what makes you think you are currently fit to be Hokage? You have not been a shinobi for a long time."

"A lot shorter time than Tsunade." Kushina shot back. "And I'm not afraid of blood either."

"Regardless you are without the Kyuubi, your strength is diminished, I believe that Kakashi would be more than a match for you." Danzo gestured smoothly to the Jonin.

Kakashi tried to slink further into his chair. "I'd rather not."

Kushina just smiled down at him.

XXXX

Training ground twenty-eight was a favorite of Kushina's, it the small river that ran through multiple training grounds turned into a wide deep pond here. It was also less flat and had a deep foliage than the other training grounds. It reminded her of the land of whirlpools in a way.

Kushina felt her stomach rumble in annoyance as she looked at Kakashi just across from her. She was hungry and wanted ramen. And then there was that book. She couldn't believe Kakashi read such a thing! She'd have to make certain to confiscate the rest of them.

"Best of luck Kushina," Koharu said from the sidelines where she stood near her fellow council members.

Kushina gave the woman a thumbs up. Koharu had been the one to take her in when she moved to Konoha in the first place and had even helped her with her training. The woman had her love and respect in most matters even if she only did it for the good of the village at first.

"Alright Kakashi, show me how much you've grown in thirteen years!" Kushina shouted triumphantly. She was eager to fight. It had been so long since she had a real fight because of her pregnancy.

Kakashi sighed and rolled his neck.

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!" like a bolt of green lightning Gai crashed down onto the field like a green beast. "Kakashi my rival what is this I hear that you have accepted somebody else's challenge?"

Kakashi smiled for once Gai's competitive nature was about to pay off. "Ahh Gai, you're here to take my place," Kakashi said nonchalantly and bounded off to the sidelines.

"Curse you and your hip ways Kakashi, abandoning a challenge, do you lack youth!" Gai shouted loudly. He then turned to address Kakashi's opponent. "I'm sorry for my rival's overly hip behavior, please allow me to fight in his stead, miss."

Kushina rolled her eyes but couldn't help but smile. "Honestly Gai you still have problems remembering faces?"

This confused the Gai.

"It's me Kushina Uzumaki," Kushina said with a smile. "The council wanted to test my abilities before they decide if I'm fit to be Hokage."

Gai thought for a moment. "But how can that be Kushina died twelve years ago during the Kyuubi attack!"

"I came back." Kushina deadpanned and stared at Gai for a second. He looked like he was about to ask another question. "Okay, ready set go!"

Before Gai could ask more questions Kushina launched a trifecta of spiked chains from her back at Gai. They were slow enough that he could dodge them easily.

"I see if that's how it is to be then I Might Gai shall be your opponent!" Gai shouted from his mid-air leap. He dove at Kushina and attempted to deliver a quick kick to the abdomen.

It seemed to be moving slower to Kushina for a moment. Her muscles twitched faster than she thought they would and was able to catch Gai's foot. The forced caused her to slide back a foot until her chairs still buried into the ground where Gai once was pulled taunt.

Numerous smaller chains exited from her arm and began to wrap around Gai's legs. She began to spin. With the chain tight around Gai's legs, Kushina began to let it slack, forcing Gai to go further and further away from her. Until she brought him high up into the air. And then down to the ground with a powerful slam.

Her body felt stronger than before. A gift from Orochimaru no doubt. With a heave, Kushina pulled Gai towards her reeling in the chains as she did. In her right hand was the Rasengan. It wasn't a complete one but it would still be enough to knock Gai back again.

Gai grunted as the Rasengan slammed into his stomach. Before the force could knock him away, however, he grabbed on to Kushina's wrist and forced himself over her head where he delivered a powerful kick to her side.

"Not bad Gai." Kushina as she was forced back several feet. "You're in my trap now." Kushina's hands blurred through three hand signs and her chakra chains did the rest.

Chains erupted from the ground all around Gai with remarkable speed and replicating and turning on their own accord. Several acted as guards to prevents Gai's escape.

In a second Gai was captured in a cage of chakra chains. "By the way Gai, that cage could hold the Kyuubi for a week." Unless she had a giant hole in her stomach and just gave birth to a giant headed baby then it was closer to thirty minutes.

Her warning didn't stop Gai from trying to punch his way out of the cage. It had minimum effect.

Kushina turned to her audience with a smile. "Satisfied?"

Danzo frowned and stepped forward once again. "Your combat abilities are impressive and you are a renowned seal master, however, do you think you can protect Konoha?"

Kushina smiled all the brighter when he asked that. "I'm glad you asked Danzo, You see I was working on this baby while I was pregnant with Naruto, Let's see if I can do it now that my chakra isn't going crazy with two other life forms in me."

An eight sealed jutsu that only an Uzumaki like her could do. She tapped into the Kyuubi's chakra for this and well over half of her own massive reserve for this. Her clothing ripped as Chains shot out of her body and into the ground.

In a moment massive chains wider than an Akimichi shot from the ground all around Konoha and behind the Hokage monument as well. They quickly formed a shell of chains splitting and joining along the way until a perfect sphere was placed directly over Konoha.

"This," Kushina stressed out. "Is the barrier I created the night of the Kyuubi attack, I can keep one up over all of Konoha for thirty minutes. How's that for protection?"

Danzo could only nod in agreement. "I trust you'll improve the speed and duration while in office?"

Kushina smiled. "Believe it."

XXXX

Kushina walked into the Anbu prison Kakashi following right behind her. "Don't you think this will only raise questions? You've only been Hokage for a day."

"Look, it says I get to pick anybody I want to be my assistant and I kind of like the girl she reminds me of me," Kushina explained for the third time. "Besides, Yoshino said no, you're too flaky and we need you on the front line. And I'd like to have somebody I can trust being my assistant."

"She worked for Orochimaru!" Kakashi lamented. He honestly didn't understand why he was the one that had to babysit their new Hokage. At Least Gai had been the one to fight her.

"I used to be Orochimaru what's your point?" Kushina said nonchalantly. It was rather fun to tease people like that. Sadly Kakashi was not amused. "And this way she'll be someplace we can keep an eye on her and she won't be an official shinobi."

"What if she poisons your ramen?"

"I'm an Uzumaki."

"What if she stabs you in your sleep?"

"Why would I sleep in the office?"

"What if she stabs you while you're awake?"

"I gave birth, I can survive a stabbing."

"What if she pisses off a delegate or a customer then."

"I'm planning on that."

"Why are you so stubborn?"

"I'm an Uzumaki."

At last Kushina arrived at the cell. "Hey there Tayuya, you want a job?"

 **Hey look the story picture makes sense now!**

 **Next chapter is reunion! horray!**

 **So yea, I made Kushina bit more powerful in canon maybe? I also made Koharu the one whose house she lived in to give Kushina a real in.**

 **And yes, more Tayuya horray Tayuya. Hokage assistant Tayuya! Uhh don't know what else to say really.**

 **Thank you for reading my specially little fic I work on when I'm bored. Sorry for the inconsistancies, this isn't meant to be as good as my other projects.  
**  
 **I plan on updating Finding an Alpha within the next week. and possibly a short NaruSaku series still uncertain on the plot of that. Feel free to shoot me some ideas for Narusaku that aren't too long.  
**


	4. I'm your mother

It was far to nice of a morning for this. It would be more appropriate if the clouds were heavy with rain or perhaps if there was just a bit of early morning fog. Not this bright and cheery summer's day.

Kushina traced the name on the stone once more. "Then again, you always did love the summer huh Mikoto?"

She had been Hokage for just under a week now. And she had finally made her way to the memorial stone. When she had found out that all the Uchiha save Sasuke and Itachi were dead she was heart broken.

To make matters worse it was because of Itachi that they were all dead and that Sasuke was in the hospital. She had rushed to see him first, of course, that was her god-child laying there. She found another one of Orochimaru's curse seals and removed it while he slept.

She was the Hokage now. So she could make a napkin a legally binding even if it was signed nearly thirteen years ago.

And to make matters worse Minato was gone too. But she knew that she had seen him die. A thought crossed her mind about trying to bring him back to learn the Jutsu Orochimaru used to bring back the other Hokages. But much like she like when she lost her village the sting would fade with time.

Still, her home did feel empty without Minato. Hopefully, once Naruto came back it would feel more like a home.

"You come here often Kakashi?" Kushina asked out loud when she saw him walk up to the stone beside her.

Kakashi shuffled on his feet for a moment. It was still weird to him to see her Alive. And as the Hokage. He always thought she was far too immature to be the Hokage. "Most mornings yes, It helps me think to talk to them."

Kushina stood up and snorted. "The dead make shitty therapists."

"Is that why you talk to them too?" Kakashi drawled as he took another step closer to the stone. He traced over Minato's name for just a moment. "For the record I'm sorry, I should have been there for Naruto when he was."

Kushina blew a raspberry to cut Kakashi off. "What makes you think I'd want you raising my kid? When you were thirteen you were a broken little child that ended up in the hospital every mission because you were too reckless. And the only that's changed is that you're not a half-pint anymore and you've picked up reading porn."

Kakashi could only chuckle at that he truly had no defense. "Is that why I found your assistant buying the collector's edition two days ago?"

Kushina felt her hair stand on end. "I don't know what you're talking about, what Tayuya does in her free time is her business."

"Uh huh sure." Kakashi drawled on and moved his hand over to Obito's name.

Kushina spun on her heel causing her long hair to whip behind her. "Do try to move on Kakashi, Minato would like you to."

XXXX

"Tayuya when's my next appointment?" Kushina mumbled into her desk. She had good memories about this desk. She had Sex with Minato on it after all. It was oddly comfortable when there was no paperwork on it.

Tayuya jumped at the sudden tone it was still a shock to her going from loyal lap dog of Orochimaru to being the assistant to the Hokage who just so happened to be the lady whose body Orochimaru had been using for years. It was fucking weird. "Oh uh, let's see here. Uhh, you scheduled a meeting with Team Ten in about two hours. And then after that uhh Team Seven over two?"

Kushina smiled at that she had two hours! She had decided to meet with all of her shinobi personally so for the next few weeks she was going to be ever so slightly busy. "Hmm, I wonder if Kakashi will be on time."

"He better fucking be, he's our last appointment." Tayuya shot out without thinking. "Oh uh I mean frick. Sorry ma'am."

Kushina rolled her eyes and stood up. "For the last time Tayuya, call me Kushina. Ma'am makes me feel old and ugly."

Tayuya snorted at that. "You ugly? Please, Kidomaru is getting sick of processing the marriage proposals that have been flooding your mail room since you put him in there. And holy fuck you show a lot of skin if you're worried about feeling old."

A blush formed on Kushina's face and she examined her attire. A green spaghetti strap top, a black belt around her waist with the Uzumaki symbol on it, shorts and knee high socks. "It's hot okay, and what if I need to use my chains! It sucks trying to fix those small holes!"

Tayuya just rolled her eyes and smiled. "Yea whatever you say."

"Whatever." Kushina waved away the conversation and fetched her hat. "Let's go to the academy for an hour, that seems like a Hokage thing to do right?"

"How the fuck am I supposed to know how the Hokage acts?"

XXXX

Jiraiya felt rather proud of himself. It had taken nearly two full months but he finally found Tsunade! Though she ran the first few times they found her eventually Naruto beat her in a bet, got horribly injured in the process cured Tsunade of her fear of blood and convinced her to become Hokage.

The brat was like the ultimate good luck charm.

He approached the gates with pride, Naruto, Tsunade and Shizune following in stride. Yep with Tsunade as the Hokage, he'd be able to see her whenever he wanted, and he could still whore his way into retirement… Spying. He meant spying.

"Ahh, Lord Jiraiya!" The gate keeper called happily. "It's good you're here the Hokage has been expecting you?"

"Whoa wait, what? Hokage? I just went out to get Tsunade to be the next Hokage." Jiraiya blinked in confusion. It didn't make any sense, they couldn't wait a couple months before they made somebody else?

"Yes sir, We've had a new Hokage for nearly a month." The chunin said calmly.

"Sweet I'm out of here then." Tsunade spun on her heels and tried to leave.

Naruto grabbed her jacket. "Hey wait you still need to heal Sasuke!"

"Well, who the hell is the new Hokage?" Jiraiya asked in frustration. Seriously who hell could it be? Kakashi was too young and not the most mentally stable, Shikaku was smart but he wasn't that strong, Danzo maybe?

The Chunin smiled at him nervously. "Umm, she ordered us not to tell that. She wants it to be a surprise. She did tell us that she expects you and Naruto Uzumaki to report to her immediately. Oh and that if Tsunade is with you, she's to go to the hospital to heal Sasuke Uchiha, and then report her to heal somebody else."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow at that. "Who's the second patient?"

"I am not allowed to say in front of Lord Jiraiya."

Jiraiya snorted and started to walk away. "Come on Naruto let's go see who the new Hokage is." He was pissed. Who on earth did this lady think she was giving him orders like that. "I need to give her a piece of my mind."

Tsunade stood at the gate for a moment and waited for Jiraiya to be out of earshot. "So who's the second patient?"

"Jiraiya most likely. She's rather miffed at him."

"Sounds like my kind of Hokage." Tsunade folded her arms over her chest. She might as well get to healing that Uchiha kid.

XXXX

Jiraiya's march to the Hokage's office was a confusing one. First, he was fairly certain the secretary at the bottom of the tower was one of the sound four. And now, there was this redhead that he knew was a member of the sound four walking towards him down the hallway.

"Woah, there why aren't you in a cell?" Jiraiya asked firmly as he grabbed the girl by the shoulder.

"Piss off you fucking twat, I'm on an errand run, who the fuck are you anyways?" Tayuya growled in anger. She then got a better look at the man and the boy behind him. So that was Kushina's son, she couldn't help but feel slightly jealous of the boy. "So you're Naruto and Jiraiya, you better hurry she has an appointment in an hour and is eating lunch."

"What do you mean errands and who is the new Hokage?" Jiraiya questioned in a panic seriously there were two of Orochimaru's most loyal ninja working in the Hokage tower. Did Orochimaru somehow become Hokage as a woman and is now slowly taking it over.

"I'm her assistant you cock sucker! If you want a hint look behind you." Tayuya shrugged past Jiraiya and continued on her journey. "I'll see you fucks for dinner!"

"Hey, pervy sage who was that?" Naruto questioned? He wanted to know who the new Hokage was just as much as Jiraiya did and it sucked that now Tsunade wasn't going to be Hokage. What if this new Hokage hated him?

Jiraiya shook his head as he approached the door to the Hokage office. "Bad news Naruto, listen if a fight starts I need you to run and get Tsunade okay? I have a bad feeling about this."

Naruto's face hardened and he nodded quickly. He wasn't going to run, but he'd fight along side with Jiraiya.

Kushina looked up from her cup of ramen when the doors to her office were thrown open. She had half a clump of noodles hanging out of her mouth when she saw Jiraiya standing there. His face went from anger to confusion. With a mouth full of noodles there was only one thing she could do at the moment. Wave.

Jiraiya deflated like a balloon as he looked into the Hokage's office. There slurping a cup of ramen noodles was Kushina. She had the Hokage hat on and everything. She waved. His own hand waved. He didn't remember telling it too. "Kushina." He whispered.

"Wait is that hot lady the Hokage?" Naruto shouted in confusion when he peaked his head around the corner. Both Jiraiya and Kushina fixed their gaze on him. The stares made him feel uncomfortable. "What? she has really pretty hair."

Kushina smiled and slurped up the last bit of her noodles quickly.

Jiraiya placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder and blew out the last bit of steam and anger he had built up on the way here. "You take this one Naruto, I, I need to sit down for a while. Oh boy."

"Running away will only make it worse Jiraiya-sensei," Kushina warned as she made her way to the cabinet where she kept her instant ramen stash. She knew it was bad for her. And she liked to make home-cooked meals easily enough. But they were just so convenient lunch, and now she could give one to Naruto.

"Yea yea," Jiraiya waved her off as he slumped down into the waiting bench.

"Well come on in Naruto and close the doors, you like Miso ramen right?" Kushina tried desperately to play it casually. She had been planning this moment every day since she returned. She finally got to see her son. But he didn't know her. Still, it warmed her heart when she said her hair was pretty.

Naruto walked into the office slowly and closed the doors tightly behind him. "I uhh yea, Miso is my favorite." Naruto slowly walked up to the singular chair that seemed to be there just for him. For a long while, he watched the way this woman moved, her long beautiful danced with every step she took while preparing ramen for him.

Kushina spun around and smiled at Naruto. He had her face, but Minato's eyes and hair. He was her beautiful baby boy. She could finally see him again. She had to fight back the tears in her eyes and the sudden urge to hug him. She needed to play this right. She handed him his cup of ramen. "You should let it cool for a minute or two so you don't burn yourself."

"I uhh thanks." Naruto accepted the cup of ramen in bewilderment. It was hot to the touch and smelled fantastic. "Was there something you wanted to talk to me about Lady?"

Kushina smiled as she sat on top of her desk to look down at her son. He was such a cute child, could use a bit of work on manners, but that was okay. He did raise himself after all. "Well, you're one of the few Ninja in the village I haven't gotten to meet since I took office so, how did your trip with Jiraiya go?"

Naruto perked up at that. "Oh it was great, it took longer than I thought it would but we finally found granny, I mean Tsunade and after she made a bet that I couldn't finish learning my Jutsu then she'd come back and be Hokage. But I didn't really care about that, I wanted her to come back so she could heal my friend Sasuke. Oh, that reminds me you're not allowed to give that hat to anybody else got it!"

"Your friend Konohamaru said the same thing." Kushina chuckled lightly. "But can you show me the Jutsu Jiraiya-sensei taught you?"

"Yea watch carefully!" The grin that appeared on Naruto's face melted Kushina's heart. He sat the still hot cup of ramen down on the ground and stood up quickly. Naruto created a shadow clone and after a moment created a perfect Rasengan which he held up to Kushina. "Pretty neat huh! Took me almost a month to complete it!"

Kushina nearly fell over when she heard that. "A month! Man, it took me like five years to learn that Jutsu! And that shadow clone thing! You're amazing Naruto!"

Naruto could only blush and squirm with the sudden flattery. Then he stopped and looked up at the new Hokage with stars in his eyes. "Wait you know the Rasengan too? Did the Pervy-Sage teach it to you?"

"Pervy-Sage?" Kushina blinked at the nickname. He must be talking about Jiraiya. "Oh my that's the perfect nickname for Jiraiya-sensei isn't it! But, no he didn't teach me the Rasengan I learned some of it from the man that created it!"

"Woah! You knew the fourth Hokage?" Naruto asked in amazement. "What was he like?"

Kushina smiled sadly. She missed Minato more than she thought she would. But she would be able to take care of her son now. "Hmm, I'll tell you more about him in a moment. Tell me Naruto how much do you know about yourself?"

"Myself?" Naruto questioned. His hand drifted to his stomach. The Kyuubi, was this woman just being nice to him because of it? "You don't have to worry about the Kyuubi, he's a grumpy old fox but I'll make sure he doesn't get out!"

"You should eat the ramen before it gets too cold." Kushina pointed to cup below Naruto's chair. She wanted to make certain he was sitting for this. Once Naruto sat down and started to slurp happily on the ramen she continued. "Would you like to know about the night you were born?"

That got Naruto's full undivided attention. "You mean you know what happened?"

"I was there," Kushina looked out the window. She lost so much that night. "And I know a lot of things that other people don't know about that night. I was there when the Fourth Hokage sealed the Kyuubi into you."

"Do you know who my parents are?"

Kushina nodded. "Yea. Your mother and father were very much in love and they were so excited to meet you. I know that they loved you with all of their hearts. Your father's name was Minato Namikaze, he was rather flaky and girly. Your mother was a kickass shinobi known as the Red Hot Habanero."

For the first time in his life, Naruto had a name. He had a name to call his father. Why did it sound so familiar? And his mother. He had her title. She sounded so awesome. He waited for the Hokage to continue as he slowly at the ramen she gave him.

"And like you, your mother played a very important role. She also held the Kyuubi, you see her chakra was special and she was brought to the village at a young age to hold it." She didn't have the ability to look directly at Naruto when she spoke. She knew it was only a matter of time until she lost the fight against her tears. "However the seal had a problem. It was weakest when giving birth."

"My parents died because of me?" Naruto asked worried, he felt his heart drop into his stomach and fester there.

Kushina's hair whipped wildly as she turned to face Naruto. The tears fell from her eyes were sincere and fresh. "No, never that. Your parents did everything the could to make certain everything went smoothly. And everything did. You were born. A healthy blue eyed baby. I had never seen your father so happy."

Naruto smiled at that he had stopped eating the ramen and couldn't help but wonder who this woman was in front of him. She was crying as she told him this. Was she related to him? An aunt? Cousin? Anybody?

Kushina got down off the table and stood there awkwardly for a moment. "Then a man with an Orange Mask appeared. He took you from us and forced your father to trade your mother for you."

"Your father took you somewhere safe and your mother was taken outside of the village. And the man extracted the Kyuubi from her. She screamed more when you were born ya' know?" Kushina kneeled down in front of Naruto. And smiled at him.

"Through sheer stubbornness, your mother managed to survive having the Kyuubi extracted and went to aid your father in trying to seal the fox. In the end, however, they had to sacrifice themselves to seal the Kyuubi into the only person they could trust with it." Kushina poked Naruto in the chest right about his heart. "You. Your parents loved you so much they were willing to die for you Naruto."

"So my parents died to seal the Kyuubi into me and keep the village safe?" Naruto questioned. He felt an odd mix of heartbreak and pride. Pride because of what his parents did. And heartbreak because they were dead. "But I thought the Fourth Hokage sealed the Kyuubi into me?"

"He did," Kushina let out a small sob of a chuckle as she watched Naruto figure it out. "Your father and the Fourth Hokage are the same person."

Naruto's eyes went wide. "But why did nobody tell me?"

Kushina frowned at that. "I don't know, and sadly the only person that could really tell me why was killed recently. But I think it might have been to protect you, Minato during the third war made a lot of enemies, but that's just my guess."

"But we're not done with that night," Kushina's hands moved to Naruto's arms and she held him for a moment as she gathered the words. She had all this so carefully planned out and now during execution, she couldn't remember a single word of it. "Somehow, your mother lived."

Naruto gasped at that. And the tears that had already begun to form in his eyes poured freely like a waterfall. His nose began to drip with mucus. He hoped this meant good things. That his mother was alive that she was going to see him soon.

"But her soul was sealed away for a long time, during this time Orochimaru took over her body and used it to do horrible things. But somehow your mother's soul returned to her body and she fought Orochimaru for control over her body. In the end, she regained control, and became the Fifth Hokage." Kushina rubbed her hands up and down Naruto's arms tears were flowing freely from her eyes.

Naruto's leaned his head down and he started to shake. He had to suck in the snot from his nose.

Kushina bit her lip and breathed in sharply through her nose. "Your mother's name is Kushina Uzumaki. And she's sitting before you now hoping that her son will let her be his mother."

For a moment there was silence.

Naruto exploded forward and tackled Kushina in a full body hug.

Kushina didn't waste a second to the hug.

"Please be real!" Naruto choked out. He had never been so happy in his entire life. His heart was beating faster than ever before.

Kushina hugged Naruto tighter and smiled. "Shush it's okay, Mommy's here. And I'm going to make you the best dish of Ramen you ever had tonight, okay? And do you want to move in with me? I have a room that's all ready for you."

"I've wanted a family for so long."

"You have one now."

 **AN:... Well I told myself I was going to take the day off to play video games. Ended up writing this chapter instead. Shit... Oh well.**

 **Anyways! Naruto's back Yay!**

 **As for pairings for this story. Kushina is off limits but I'm considering doing one for Naruto and Tayuya, So let me know who you'd like to see Naruto and Tayuya with and I'll think about it. Already have a vote for Narusaku... well probably two votes because I like it.**

 **If I ask for reviews do I get more reviews?**


	5. Call me Momkage

"Do you want me to deal with you as the Hokage or as Naruto's mother?"

There were few women that could make Jiraiya break out into a cold sweat. He thought he was largely in the clear as all but one of them had died. But one just had to crawl out of the grave and at that moment he would rather get caught peeping at Tsunade once again.

Kushina sat behind the Hokage desk an impassive look on her face. She had a strand of her hair positioned between her nose and her lip in a ridiculous fake mustache. To her left stood Naruto who looked incredibly happy as he wore her Hokage hat.

"Can we start with how you're…. Not dead?" Jiraiya asked, for the past thirty minutes he had sat outside the office trying to figure out how on earth Kushina came back to life. It just didn't make sense to him at all.

The fake mustache fell when Kushina frowned and slouched in her chair. She was getting so sick of explaining that. "I survived having the Kyuubi extracted out of me because I'm awesome, My body was alive but my soul was doing weird soul stuff somewhere else. Orochimaru got my body and used it for a couple years then I came back and kicked him out when he tried to kill Sarutobi. Now please choose or I'm just going to do stuff."

"Which one causes the less bodily harm?" There was no doubt in Jiraiya's mind that both options were going to hurt. For once, he was thankful that Tsunade was nearby to heal his inevitable wounds.

"You make it sound like I'm going to kill you sensei." Kushina laughed out and waved off the notion. "Let me be clear I am angry and disappointed with you but I'm not a revenge-obsessed monster that's going to start killing everybody that ever mistreated my son."

Jiraiya's shoulders slumped in relief and he stepped towards Kushina and finally took a seat. "Uhh, Hokage I guess?"

"Good choice!" Kushina said pleasantly. She turned towards Naruto and motioned for her hat. "I need my hat back."

"Sure here you go…. Mom." Naruto liked the sound of the word as he handed his mother. The Hokage hat. He had a mom! She loved him! And she was the Hokage! This day was awesome!

Kushina placed the Hokage hat on her head and the soft smile she had on shifted instantly. She had a deep sour frown on her face that nearly matched Hiruzen's in depth. It was a look that only a Hokage could give and she had perfected it.

Jiraiya instantly regretted his choice.

"Jiraiya of the sannin you are to explain why you choose to abandon your charge of watching over the village Jinchuuriki as assigned to you by the late fourth Hokage?" Kushina's voice held a rage under the largely neutral tones of Hokage speak.

"Come on Kushina, I'm." Jiraiya began but was quickly cut off by Kushina.

"You will address me by my proper title." Kushina's dark glare didn't give Jiraiya any wiggle room.

Jiraiya swallowed the lump in his throat. "Very well, Lord Hokage, as you know my duty to the village is to perform as its spymaster, to date my information has saved your son's life several times and even the village itself during the recent attack by the Sand."

"Your achievements are not what's in question, Jiraiya. But the reason why you neglected your duty to take care of Naruto." Kushina corrected Jiraiya with a firm hand. She reached into her drawer and produced a copy of Icha Icha paradise. "And do not say you would be too busy being a spymaster when you have produced several novels during that time."

Jiraiya sighed and slumped in his chair. "If I look back on it there's no reason why I shouldn't have been able to care for Naruto more or even take him with me. But I was depressed at the time. I told you and Minato about the prophecy about how my student would bring about peace. I honestly thought he was it you know. I didn't even think about Naruto until Just a few months ago."

Jiraiya rolled his shoulders and frowned. "And at that point, it was too late, what was I supposed to say? 'Hey shorty you don't know me but I'm your godfather'. I didn't want to train him at first either, but that's a special kid you have there Kushina, he might look like Minato but he's got your stubbornness streak."

Naruto walked over to stand next to Jiraiya. He had a soft smile on his face, even if he was mad at Jiraiya it couldn't beat the fact that his mom was alive. "So you're my godfather?"

Jiraiya nodded. "Yea, for what it's worth I'm sorry brat."

"Who would want an old pervert like you to raise them anyways." Naruto turned his arms and pouted. Then a small smile crept up onto his face. "But if you want to make it up to me you can teach me some super awesome Jutsu!"

"Me too!" Kushina slammed her hands down on the table excitedly.

Jiraiya laughed loudly at the two his entire body shaking as he did. "What happened to acting like a Hokage?"

Kushina slumped back into her chair and blushed lightly. "What I get excited about learning new Jutsu's too ya know!"

"So does that mean I get off easy?" Jiraiya asked with a giant grin on his face. If he could get out of this with just teaching Naruto and Kushina a few Jutsu that would be amazing.

Like a switch, Kushina was back in Hokage mode. "Not quite, first of all, I expect a full report on everything you know about why Itachi and Kisame are after my son. And given that you were under heavy emotional distress at the time your neglect to Naruto Uzumaki could be forgiven by the village for a small donation of…. Oh, a hospital wing perhaps?"

Jiraiya stood up and slammed his hands down on the table. "What are you crazy there's no way I could afford that!"

Kushina shoved Jiraiya's bank statement in his face. Her eyes sparkled in delight as Jiraiya's face fell at her secret weapon. "That's sure a lot of zeros Sensei, I'm certain it would be enough for a new hospital wing."

"I but I. That's not… But." Jiraiya sputtered out unable to mount a proper defense. He looked Kushina in the eyes and saw her already smiling in victory. "Yeah fine, just name it after me."

"Konoha thanks you for your donation." Kushina smiled brightly as Jiraiya slumped to the ground in tears.

Tayuya entered the room with a client behind her. He was noble of sorts and rather stuffy looking. "Okay you're going to want to keep what you have to say short, twenty words or less is best, and try not to use big complicated words she gets bored and confused easily."

"I do not!" Kushina shouted and sat back down into her chair. "Mr. Saitama is it? Welcome to Konoha, I'll be with you in just a moment."

The man made a curt gesture with his hand.

"Tayuya, show to our home and buy some fresh groceries while you're out," Kushina then motioned to Jiraiya. "And you go cry about the fact you're temporarily pour elsewhere. I need to do Hokage stuff."

Jiraiya looked up with pleading eyes. "So you're not going to hurt me?"

Kushina raised an eyebrow at that. "Why would I do that you're a stupid perverted jackass idiot but you're going to fix that now right?"

"The jackass part probably."

XXXX

"So how do you know my mom anyways?" Naruto asked Tayuya the moment they were outside of the Hokage tower.

Tayuya's hand went up to where her curse mark once was and scratched at the chakra scar. Still, she couldn't help but smile. Kushina was how she'd want her mother to be. Minus the fact that her maturity was inconsistent. "I'm her glorified babysitter."

Naruto frowned at that. "I don't need a babysitter!"

Tayuya gave a sharp laugh. "Ha, I'm not so sure about that short-stack."

"Hey, you're not that much taller than me! You're shorter than Sakura!" Naruto gave Tayuya something was a cross between a glare and a pout.

Tayuya returned the glare and stood up straight to emphasizes the one-inch advantage she had on Naruto. "Who care how tall she is you're still shorter than me!"

"I'm still growing ya know!?" Naruto broke off the glare and crossed his arms. "Just you wait I'll be taller than you in no time."

"Pfft, yeah right your mom's not that tall it's probably genetic! Just like that stupid Ya' know you both keep saying." Tayuya smiled in victory before she sighed. "But to answer your question, I met your mom when she freed me from Orochimaru's control. I guess she liked me because the day after she was made Hokage she pardoned me and made me her assistant… which basically means I babysit her."

"Why does she need a babysitter? She's the Hokage!"

Tayuya rolled her shoulders and gave a small groan. She was not a morning person. But Kushina had her beat by a mile. "Kushina is literally worthless in the morning, so I have to wake her up. She also has no sense of time so I have to keep track of all of her appointments, I also have to remind her that she can't do things…. Like, put her face on the mountain kissing the fourth Hokage."

"But that would have been funny." Kushina smiled as she made the two jump in surprise for a moment. She had been without Minato for over a month now. She missed him dearly. But Life went on and she had her son now. Oh and Konoha she had that place too.

Once she was over her surprise Tayuya glared up at the other redhead. "You aren't playing hooky again are you?"

Kushina snorted and crossed her arms refusing to look Tayuya in the eyes. "I'm the Hokage I don't play hooky. I just give myself time off for things, besides was quick, now let's shopping I want to cook my son dinner for the first time!"

Naruto smiled to the point of almost being in tears. "What are we having mom!" He was so excited to say that. Each and every time felt like the first. It was still fresh in his mind that he had a mother. And that she loved him she didn't want to abandon him. And now she was here with him.

"Ramen!" Kushina said proudly with a giant smile. Her grin was made all the wider when Naruto looked up at her like she was a goddess made flesh. "It's my favorite food too ya know!"

"Really! That's awesome believe it!" Naruto shouted loudly.

Tayuya groaned at the two and slid her palm down her face. "You two really are related."

Naruto just smiled at Tayuya and his mother and then he caught a familiar shade of pink walking down a side street. "Hey, Sakura come over here!"

Sakura instantly perked up when she heard Naruto's voice. She was on her way to check on Sasuke again today and seeing Naruto back was a good highlight of her day. She would never publicly admit it but she had missed Naruto during the month he was gone. Probably because Sasuke was in a coma.

Still, she had to squint in confusion when she saw Naruto casually talking up the new Hokage and her assistant. Was that idiot in trouble again? She should probably go stop him from forcing team seven to run nothing but D-ranks. "Naruto, you idiot are you why are you bugging the Hokage?"

Kushina smiled as Sakura marched over to Naruto and watched him squirm in some form of self-defense when she grabbed his head and forced him to bow politely. Those two would be so cute together!

"I'm sorry if my idiot teammate has been bothering you Lady Kushina, please accept my apology on behalf of team seven we really can't let him out without somebody to watch him!" Sakura apologized profusely as she bowed both her and Naruto deeply.

"Sakura, I don't need to apologize to her she's my mom!" Naruto pouted when Sakura finally let go of his head.

Sakura let out a small laugh to humor Naruto's bad joke. "Oh please Naruto, don't make up such things there's no way the Hokage could be your mother, she's far too pretty."

Kushina joined in Sakura small laugh all though hers was a genuine chuckle. "You wouldn't happen to be my son's girlfriend wouldn't you?"

Sakura's reaction was well worth it.

Naruto just smiled a moment before he nodded in agreement. "Yep."

"You idiot! Don't say things like that!" Sakura shouted blushing furiously. She grabbed Naruto's jacket and began to shake him furiously back and forth. "Why didn't you tell me the Hokage was your mother you, idiot! Why do you have to be so weird and stuff!"

Kushina clapped happily for a moment in a way it reminded her of her and Minato when they were younger. Especially that first couple of weeks before they became official. "I didn't hear a no Sakura, why don't you join us for dinner tonight I'm certain Naruto wouldn't mind."

Sakura released Naruto causing him to fall to the ground in a slightly dizzy heap. "I wouldn't want to intrude Lady Hokage, besides I was on my way to go check on Sasuke and I."

Sakura wasn't interrupted by Naruto jumping up at Sasuke's name. "Ahh Sasuke! I forgot about him! Granny should be done healing him by now right? Mom, can we stop by the hospital to check?"

A wicked glint appeared in Kushina's eye. For a moment she wondered if she should tell Naruto he has a new step-brother as well. Nah surprises are fun. "That sounds like a great idea, Tayuya would you be okay with."

"Yea fine I'll do the shopping, but you're buying me wasabi peas!" Tayuya stomped off with an annoyed grace about her.

"Well then, let's go to the hospital," Kushina said happily and she began to walk in the wrong direction. "Umm, which way is it again?"

XXXX

"Alright well, it appears as though you're fine now," Tsunade said happily, the operation to repair somebodies mind from genjutsu was a delicate one but once you learned to do it it was simple enough. She was conflicted that none of the current doctors could perform such an operation.

She should talk to this mystery Hokage into letting her have control of the hospital this was just pathetic. "But just to be safe don't do anything like training for a few days, I'll inform the Hokage you're off missions for at least a week as well."

Sasuke nodded numbly. It felt like a fog had been lifted from his mind. He remembered Itachi going after Naruto. He remembered feeling resent me towards Naruto because Naruto was stronger? Why did that matter? His hand went up to his curse seal.

Wait. That was what was different. He didn't know how he knew but it was like he was less angry, less clouded. There was no constant nagging. For the first time since before the chunin exams, he wasn't angry.

"Sasuke!" The voice of Naruto echoed from the doorway.

Well, now he was annoyed.

"Shut up Naruto we're in a hospital!" And there was Sakura.

Sasuke almost wanted to smile when he saw Naruto appear in his little corner of the hospital room. But he couldn't. Itachi wanted Naruto for some reason. Why did Itachi want Naruto? Was there something about him that made Naruto a threat? A bigger threat than he was?

Naruto was about to speak when Sakura squeezed past him.

"Sasuke!" Sakura shouted and flung herself at Sasuke. She wasted no time in wrapping her arms around Sasuke's neck. "I'm so glad you're okay now!"

"Yea, I'm better now Sakura," Sasuke replied and patted the girl on the small of her back. "But how are you and Naruto doing?"

Naruto smiled and stood a little bit prouder. "I'm doing great ya bastard, you should be thanking me, though, I had to go through hell to convince granny to come back and heal you!"

Sasuke gave a small chuckle at that. Naruto really was an idiot. But at the same time, Naruto was his friend. He would never say it to his face, though. Still, simple gratitude wouldn't be too much to ask of him. "Sure, thanks, loser."

For a moment Naruto's eyes nearly popped out of his head before he rubbed his nose in embarrassment. He had gotten Sasuke to say thank you! That's kind of close to acknowledgment right?

"Sakura do you mind letting go?" Sasuke asked after thirty seconds. The girl really should have realized that he wasn't hugging her back anytime soon.

Sakura released Sasuke and pulled a chair close so she could easily touch Sasuke from a sitting position.

Naruto then smiled wider. "Oh hey Sasuke you won't guess who the new Hokage is!"

"Naruto, let me introduce myself!" Kushina said as she walked into view. She placed her hands on Naruto's shoulders and smiled down at Sasuke. He looked so much more like Mikoto. Which was a good thing because Fugaku was an ugly old bastard even when he was thirteen.

Sasuke blushed. That was all there was to it. For nearly eight years he had had a crush on this woman. He had only seen her in an old photo of his mother's. And yet here she was in person smiling at him with a beautiful smile. It was because of her that he liked long hair. And then there was the color.

Kushina couldn't help but smile when she noticed Sasuke's reaction to her. And the glare Sakura gave her. Just wait until they find out what she had planned. "Hello Sasuke, I'm."

"Tomato lady" It was barely a whisper that echoed from Sasuke's lips. This was the woman that made Tomato's his favorite food. Even if he didn't like them for the first couple months.

Kushina's face twisted into one of rage for a couple of seconds and her face grew hot. She was not a tomato! "I'm sorry what was that?"

Sasuke gulped. Oh god, she was talking to him. "That's what my mom called you when I found a picture of you when I was five."

"Dammit Mikoto," Kushina swore under her breath. Of all the people in the world the only two that could get away with calling her a Tomato were Mikoto and Minato. "Anyways, My name is Kushina Uzumaki, I'm the fifth Hokage, Naruto's mother."

Sasuke's eyes nearly popped out of his head as he looked at the grinning Naruto and the smiling Kushina. Slowly. He watched his world view shatter a little bit. He could see the similarities. The same eye shapes the same roundness of the eyes.

The same smile. Oh dear god no.

"Wife of the fourth Hokage, Best friend of your mother Mikoto even if your father was a bit of a bored." Kushina continued and paused for the finish. She reached into her pocket and pulled out an ancient napkin with a sloppy scrawl on it.

"And your new godmother!"

"WHAT?"

 **AN: Beta'd by Grammarly! That's not a person! Anyways I wonder how many of ya'll are going to hate me because I didn't write in Kushina cleaning Jiraiya's clock or all that other revenge stuff. I'm going to be honest I dislike it when stories do that. Yea I'm looking at you a parents return!**

 **Anyways Yea! Pretty standard chapter! I'm rather happy with it. And I finally get to have Sasuke have a crush on Kushina! Ha! I've been waiting for ever to use his love of tomatos and Kushina!**

 **Right pairings. So for Naruto I've put some thought into it. And sorry to the Naruhina fans but I'm just not going to do it.**

 **So after getting a whole bunch feedback on it a lot of you made a lot of good advice.**

 **Naruto x Tayuya: I like this one but I'm already writing a fic with that so if you want to read that go check out The Sound of Freedom!**

 **Naruto x Karin: I like this Idea a lot. It makes a lot of sense given how the story is called Uzumaki Stubbornness. Even if she's not a romantic interest she'll still show up at somepoint.**

 **Naruto x Sakura: Not a lot of you voted for this but it is my favorite pairing.**

 **Naruto x Temari: This one was a clever suggestion, I rather like it and in theory I could make it work.**

 **Naruto x Fem Gaara: I admit this one would be for me. I like the idea of it and it's just fun! I have done anything fem Gaara related in a while.**

 **Vote Let me know in the reviews! Those are your choices. Anyways I'm going to start work on the seventh chapter for The Sound of Freedom. And then start work on my Fem Sai fic!**


	6. Morning After

Redheaded ass. It was a good ass to, small, firm shapely with just enough jiggle. It occurred to Naruto in the early morning sunlight that he was an ass man, and that redheads were incredibly cute. Never mind the fact that he shouldn't be staring or that there was a redhead wearing wearing nothing but her underwear and a T-shirt brushing her teeth in his kitchen.

Wait… this wasn't his kitchen. This wasn't even his house. As he slowly began to wake up Naruto looked around as the events of last night began to set in. There was the table where they had all eaten ramen, cleaned and awaiting the next meal.

His mother had made ramen last night. Wait, he had a mother. His mom was alive and she was the Hokage! How on earth could he have forgotten something like that! And Sasuke was now his step brother, Sakura was asleep on the couch and he had his own bedroom.

Jiraiya was nowhere to be seen, same with Tsunade. They left at some point in the night smiling like idiots. Then who was the redhead brushing her teeth with her buns out for him to see?

"How long are you going to stare at my ass Shot-stack?" Tayuya turned to glare at him, her lips stained with toothpaste. She whipped her toothbrush at him splattering his face with with her spit. "I know I'm probably the hottest girl you've ever seen, but if you keep staring I'm going to have to charge you."

Naruto blinked and cringed away from her spit well after it had hit him in the face. Right Tayuya, the girl that now lived with his mother as her assistant/roommate/glorified baby-sitter. "Why aren't you wearing pants?"

"Cause this is my home and I'm free to not wear pants in my own house." Tayuya wielded her toothbrush like it was a knife. "Anyways shorty, I need to get your mother up and ready for the wonderful privilege that is being the Hokage."

She grabbed his hand, a dangerous sparkle in her brown eyes. "And I finally got me a helper!"

Tayuya dragged him through the still unfamiliar house simple door that had a latch on it to keep it closed. It sounded like there was a bear being kept inside. "Uhh, why's there a lock on my moms bedroom?"

"Well squirt, your mom's a bit off her rocker when it comes to just about everything." Tayuya smiled as she undid the latch exposing just a bit more of her butt - Not that he was looking - as she reached up to undo the latch. "One of the things is that she tends to move a lot in her sleep, so I put a latch here so that her weirdness doesn't extend out into the rest of the house."

Still not quite awake Naruto just nodded, and then understood exactly what Tayuya meant.

It looked like a tornado has rampaged through the room centered around the ceiling fan. The bed frame was bare, stripped of the mattress and covers, and put on its side against the windows. The dresser had been moved to the center with the mattress resting against it, many of the blankets and covers were hanging from the fan.

And in the center of everything, dangling by one foot tangled in blankets while her head still rested on the mattress was Kushina Uzumaki. The Hokage. And his mother.

"How the hell?" Naruto asked as he examined the room. His room was like right next to this one how the hell did he not hear any of this?

Tayuya snorted. "This is nothing, last week before I got the latch I found her cuddling a bear to death in its cave. She said that she ends up sleeping in weird positions when she's not sleeping with anybody."

"So… how do we get her down?"

Tayuya's incredibly practical answer was to throw a kunai at the blanket that held much of Kushina up. It tore in seconds causing Kushina to fall helplessly down the mattress landing in a heap at their feet. Still snoring loudly.

"Grab a foot, we're taking her to the bathroom."

XXXX

Sakura awoke to what sounded like two giant coconuts slaming against each other at terminal velocity, she skipped the groggy steps between sleep and wide awake in a heartbeat. Scrambling upward and tangling herself up in her blanket Sakura prepared for the worse. And then sleep slammed into her right in time for her to lose her balance off of the couch she had been using as a bed and slam into ground.

This was so not her morning. She needed a good fifteen minutes to get her shit together - maybe thirty - especially when she wasn't on a mission or something. And then there was last night. She ended up following the Hokage, that just so happened to be Naruto's actual mother and Sasuke's god mother to her home and ended up eating more ramen than she'd ever want to eat in her life.

"There goes my diet." Sakura pushed herself up off the floor. She hadn't actually been following her diet for a while at least not the starve-herself-into-being-thin diet her and Ino were on. Her diet was more balanced now, focusing on proper nutrition. Still it was good.

Sakura righted herself, doing her best to make herself presentable. She was at the Hokage's house and even if the woman was Naruto's mother she should at least try to look presentable, after all Lady Kushina was officially Sasuke's guardian as well. "And if Ramen is a stable diet for the Hokage then who knows what good nutrition is?"

Seriously, that woman was worse than Lady Tsunade! She didn't look a day over twenty and claimed to be able to eat whatever she wanted and not gain a pound. Wait did she have a crush on Lady Kushina."

"Dammit half-pint watch where you're going." She heard the grumpy voice of the Hokage's Assistant; Tayuya echo through the hall. "And you wake the fuck up!"

"Who are you calling short? I'm taller than you!" That would be Naruto.

Sakura peered around the corner to see a rather unusual sight, the Hokage being carried like a rag doll out of her room by Naruto and Tayuya. Her long hair trailed behind them as Tayuya had the woman by the legs while Naruto was struggling with his mother's torso. "What are you two doing?"

"Sakura!" Naruto waved her over, a smile on his face. "Come help! My mom is heavier than she looks!"

"Why not just wake her up normally?" There was no way that she was going to get on the Hokage's bad side by trying to prank her.

Tayuya grunted and pulled on the leg again taking another step forwards the bathroom. "This is normal Ya'know!" She paused, her face turning sour. "Fuck it's contagious."

"Uhh, okay?" Sakura walked over and grabbed one of Kushina's arms, she really was much heavier than she looked. "Holy crap! Is this what eating ramen does?"

"No, she's just weird." Tayuya grumbled. "Now on a count of three we're going to lift and dump her in the tub."

"How did you do this by yourself?" Naruto asked, Sakura helped him lift his mother's head up off the ground.

Kushina mumbled something about ramen and Minato, a dopey smile on her face complete with a stream of drool. Yep this was so Naruto's mother.

"Rolling her." Tayuya kicked open the door to the bathroom. After a bit of finagling and more than a few head bumps Kushina was placed in the tub. "Apparently Minato used to just teleport her into the bathroom using that weird seal thing. Sounds useful."

"The Flying Thunder God Jutsu?" Sakura asked. Could one of the leaf's most powerful and sought after jutsu really be used for something so trivial? Then again she'd seen Naruto do some pretty lazy things with the Shadow Clone Jutsu. Like doing the dishes.

"That's the one." Tayuya reached over the shower head, aiming it at Kushina. "Now then, I'd leave or cover your ears."

"Wait shouldn't we undress her first?"

"Nah," That was the tone of someone that couldn't care less and was only doing this because they were paid. "Besides, it's more fun this way."

The knobs creaked and the pipes hissed before water came bursting out from the shower head hitting Kushina right in the face. For a moment it appeared to have no effect and Kushina continued to snore.

"Gah! Tayuya what the hell! I told you to use warm water ya'know! Warm!" Kushina flailed in the tub like a fish out of water completely devoid of the grace a Hokage should have. She threw the top half of her body out of the bath, water clung to her hair like morning dew. With a huff she cleared it out of her sights and glared at Tayuya. "Like seriously I told you to find a better way to wake me up!" She changed demeanor, smiling at Naruto "Oh, hi sweetie! Do you want me to make you breakfast?"

"Pfft," Tayuya snorted, "As if I want to haul your fat ass into the tub every morning. And you don't have time to cook breakfast, you have an appointment with the clans in an hour."

"Tayuya!" Kushina slouched in the tub resting her tub against the edge. "I thought I said no meetings before 9. Besides I just got my son back can't I take the day off to spend it with him?"

"It's 9 now! As to how the hell you became Hokage I'll never know, and this meeting is important you can't miss it." Tayuya stomped out the door. "How the fucking hell did I go from minion to fucking running the goddamn village! If I get grey hairs from this I'm kicking your ass!"

Kushina gave a shameless smile that reminded Sakura so much of Naruto. As if she needed more proof. "Sorry sweetie, looks like I'm busy today, I'll make it up to you in no time Ya'know!"

"That's okay. Mom." There was something about the way that Naruto smiled that made Sakura want to run home and tell her mother she loved her. Which being a teenage girl was really weird. "I can still see you after work right?"

"You got it dude!" Kushina smiled. "Now rest up and try to get Sasuke out of his room, I have an exciting mission for you guys if this meeting is a success!"

Oh right! Sasuke! She stayed the night here to help Sasuke adjust. But he locked her out of his room. Saying that all this was crazy and that there was no way that he was going to be Naruto's actual brother.

XXXX

The meeting was a success!

And everything would be taken care of.

"I can't believe they agreed to this." Tayuya grumbled following behind her.

"I know right!" Kushina laughed. "I gave them a pretty good deal though, besides this way we get to secure our relationships with the other villages, show them that we're not afraid by having the Hokage escorted by nothing but a genin team! Ahh I've been looking forward to this vacation."

"You've been in office for a month."

"Details details, besides I'm still doing important stuff Ya'know!" she held up her finger, pretending that Tayuya wasn't there taking notes for her. "Like going to finalize the treaty between Konoha and Suna and accepting Kusa's apology for allowing their part in the attack, see Hokage stuff!"

"Yea, yea, but it's still stupid."

"Hey mom!" Naruto yelled waving his arm at her from the village gates. He was just as excited as she was practically bouncing on his feet. She had hoped that he would have gotten his father's brains at least but a miniature Minato with her personality was just as good. "We're over here!"

"Hey!" Kushina waved back at him breaking out into a half sprint. Kakashi's little team was so cute! Sasuke was standing off the side still pouting about being adopted - It wasn't her fault Napkins were legally binding documents after all - he still got to keep the Uchiha name, she just got to smother him with affection. And Sakura was a cutie as well, she reminded her of Rin so much. And then there was Naruto, her baby boy!

She couldn't take it anymore and sprinted towards them, ignoring the groaning of her assistant. "Are you guys ready for your super special mission?"

"No," Sasuke growled. "Where's Kakashi? Isn't he our team leader?"

Cute! He was a tsundere! "Oh don't worry about Kakashi, he's busy doing other things at the moment. Namely establishing connections with the Mist ya'know! As for your team leader, well considering how Tayuya is the only chunin here that would be her?"

"Oi," Tayuya growled catching up to her. "I thought I was a jounin."

"Does it matter? You're still the team leader."

"I guess that's true," Tayuya adopted one hell of a smile. One that almost made her proud. "Alright brats, as of today you're a part of Team Tayuya! Mission baby sit the Hokage is go!"

"Hey I thought I told you not to call it that!"

 **AN: Beta'd by xxTerror33xx Who may or may not be die tonight based on tornados and what not. Anyways Here's uhh this... after like a year... I apologize for nothing. Anyways Don't be surprised if I turn Gaara into a girl next chapter for... reasons. Look I like redheads! See you in... hopefully less than a year?**

 **I also have a Ko-fi now if you want to support me. It's Ko-fi dot com / Yojimbra**


	7. Sand, Seals, and Something

"Why the fuck is it so fucking god damn hot," Tayuya swore as much as she breathed like that was just a sound her body made on its own. She wiped the sweat from her brow flicking it towards the rest of the group. "Fucking fuck."

Normally his mother would get on her about the swearing. Instead, Kushina who normally had more energy than he did gave a grunt drinking from her canteen.

"Cause we're in the desert." Sasuke offered, out of everybody he looked the least affected by the desert heat, instead, he just looked like a cooked lobster. It was going to be so much fun torturing Sasuke once it turned into a sunburn. Apparently being an Uzumaki prevented sunburns! So neat.

"Shut it you know it all bastard." Tayuya sneered at Sasuke.

Sakura nodded along still keeping pace, her own skin smeared with a white paste Sasuke seemed to forget. "Don't be sarcastic because you forgot your Sunscreen Sasuke, I offered you some of mine this morning."

"Oh!" Kushina perked up. "Is it time to pick on Sasuke for being grumpy again?"

"Well, they didn't use any." Sasuke snorted increasing his pace, the sand flying under his feet."

"That's cause we're Uzumaki!" Naruto shouted, chasing after his adopted brother and friend. "We're immune to sunburn!"

They lept up a large dune that was like a mountain of sand. And stopped, a wall of sand lined the horizon with large stone gate cut into it.

"Hey, mom! I think we found the village!" Naruto laughed pointing towards Suna. Surely he'd be able to see Gaara again! "It's right over-"

"Come'on girls!" Kushina shouted, grabbing onto both Sakura and Tayuya, and sprinting up the hill with more vigor than Rock Lee could have mustered. "Bath! Water! Bed! Glorious bed!"

She sped past him and Sasuke heading right for the gates, Tayuya shaking free and still matching her pace.

"Hey! Wait up!" Naruto chased after them, leaving Sasuke in the dust.

When he finally caught up with his mother they were standing in front of a group of sand ninja. With Gaara standing there, holding his hand out to his mother. "Greetings. I am Gaara of the desert, Soon to be Godaime Kazekage of Suna. I thank you for coming to discuss our treaty."

The air was charged. The tension was high and it almost felt like a fight might break out at any moment. And there was something off about his mother, her eyes sparkled and she had a large smile on her face. Her hair was beginning to stand on end.

She squealed, stomped her feet, grabbed Gaara by the wrist and pulled him into the city.

"Son of a Bitch!" Tayuya shouted, being the first to act, she gave chase pushing past Temari and what's his face? (Cat-eared-make-up-guy) and several other Sand ninja. "Kushina you dumb bitch! I told you not to do anything stupid!"

The rest of them blinked and Naruto felt all eyes slowly turn to him. "Uhh, I promise my mom isn't going to hurt him."

They did not seem convinced.

XXXX

"Why are you kidnapping the Kazekage?"

Gaara thought that this was a very valid question. Though he technically wasn't the Kazekage. Not yet at any rate. He was the next Kazekage which was basically all of the work without the title. Not that that mattered as Konoha's newest Hokage - a red-haired woman with enough crazy in her eyes to make him feel uneasy - had said hello, grabbed him by the arm and was now running through Suna to find a quiet place.

"Yes," Gaara asked, looking back at the younger redheaded woman that seemed to be Hokage's voice of reason -not that it did much good - she trailed after them barely managing to keep up. And behind her was Team Seven, specifically Naruto and that pink haired girl he should probably apologize for trying to kill. But that also wasn't important right now.

His gaze landed on the Hokage's hair. He had been told that he was a redhead. That his rust-colored hair was unique. This woman put him to shame, with hair redder than blood and twice as thick. "Why are you kidnapping me?"

The Hokage turned to look at him a giant smile on her face as she rounded another corner, crashing out onto a balcony before jumping across a busy bizarre. "I'm not kidnapping you!"

"Kushina get back here you crazy bitch!" The other redhead threw her shoe at the Hokage. Hitting the woman right in the forehead. "If I get killed because of you I'm haunting your ass!"

So her name was Kushina. It was odd how they knew absolutely nothing about this new Hokage. Furthermore, why wasn't his sand trying to defend him? "Where are you taking me?"

"I have no idea! I suck at directions!" The woman laughed, leaping through a residential home, and out the other side. That poor family, he'd have to to do something for them later.

Gaara blinked as they crashed through a market stall. Where was his ninja? They weren't going that fast were they? Furthermore, why wasn't he trying to fight back? Was it because it was the Hokage? No that wasn't it. He simply didn't sense any hostility from Kushina. "Then what are you going to do to me?"

"Fix your seal, duh." The woman came to a stop at the base of the wall looking left and right before deciding to go up. Straight up. A lot of up. A whole loft of up. This was rather high. "My son told me that you're a jinchuriki too! And that your seals a little messed up!"

Her hair trailed after her like the tail of a ruby comet.

"Your son?" Gaara asked, the last bits of tension leaving his body. "Who is he?"

"Naruto Uzumaki, he's going to be the next Hokage ya'know!" What went up, must eventually come down. Kushina fell towards the earth with the same reckless abandon that he would have expected from Naruto's parents. Wait. Naruto had a parent? Weren't they so similar because they were both alone? Was it all just a lie to save the girl? No, Naruto's eyes they didn't lie. But this woman didn't seem to be like his father. "Especially since I've come back from the grave!"

Well, that answered that. Wait. Pale skin? Red eyes? Hair the color of blood? Insane both mentally and physically? "Are you a vampire?"

Kushina landed with a thud, in some abandoned warehouse, her nose crinkled in disgust. "Eww what? No! I hate blood. It's all sticky and warm and bleh."

"Then what are you?" He let himself get sat down on a table. Were they in a doctors office? Complete with a sunroof now. He should fix that later. Now would be an ideal time to escape, but curiosity was going to kill every cat in a three hundred yard radius.

"I'm an Uzumaki." She said that without a moment to think like it was the only answer she'd ever need. With the flick of her wrists an ink brush appeared. "Now lift up your shirt and let's see what damage those sand priests did to you!"

Like a good boy, Gaara did as he was told and lifted up his shirt, exposing the seal to the air. Why was he doing this again? Furthermore, why did his cheeks feel warm? Was this… embarrassment? This was new.

It only got worse when he felt Kushina's gaze on it. "Bah, those crazy ass sand priests. Their seals are so of course and they get everywhere. Not like an Uzumaki seal. Ours are soft and smooth! Like a babies butt!"

What was he supposed to say to that? More importantly, why wasn't his sand defending him? Even Shukaku's mummerings stopped. Not that he had much room for contemplation as Kushina finished removing his shirt and pressing him down on the table while she eyed his stomach the same way other people would look at food. "Am I about to get raped?"

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that." Kushina's eyes had no humor in them. Then at the drop of a hat, she was smiling again twirling the brush. "Now hold still, try not to laugh and if you hear whatever demon inside of you crying in the corner that means it's working."

This woman was crazy and beautiful. Gaara decided that he liked her even if she didn't manage to fix his seal.

XXXX

"Dammit!" Kushina swore glaring at the seal, she flicked her eyes to her soon to be unofficially official adopted child. Where was a napkin when she needed one?

"Is there something wrong with the seal?" Gaara sat up, hand searching for his shirt. "I don't feel Shukaku anymore."

"The seals fine. Better than fine, you should be all good. With a bit of training, you might even be able to use that giant raccoon's chakra. And your sand blanket thing is still good so yea, have fun with a sand puppy following you around." Kushina huffed, sitting down on the table next to him. "I'm just so disappointed."

"About what?"

"You're still a boy!" Gaara's eyes opened wide at that. "I was hoping that the seal would like be hiding some kind of gender swapping thingy in it so that way I could set you up with my son and you can be my cute little daughter in law and we'd have this super awesome marriage peace and stuff. But nooo you just had to be a boy."

"I'm sorry."

"You better be."

 **AN: Decided to not make Gaara a female, something Kushina is very unhappy with. Anyways I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'll be honest I have a very limited Idea of what I'm doing with this fic. So uhh, basically consider it a happy go lucky Drabbles for the time being.**

 **Also next chapter Kushina kidnaps another redhead and never lets her go.**


	8. All I got was a Cute Uzumaki!

They were going to bleed her dry. Every day that she stayed in this place was taking a month off of her life. Probably literally. The world spun around her and it was all she could to keep from falling over. She hated this feeling like she was a used up juice pouch, ready to be discarded until they needed her again.

Worse her Mind's Eye was down, it was too dangerous to move, she might run into someone that wanted to use her again. At this rate, it would be her last time if it happened again. She was already running on empty.

"Girl," The ninja said rolling his shoulder.

"I'm Sorry!" Karin bowed. "I shouldn't have stayed, you're right I'll leave!"

She darted for the door, it was rare but sometimes the ones she healed were hungry for seconds. This proved to be a fatal mistake. She rushed through the door and ran head first into someone knocking her glasses off. Worse, that someone was with the Head Ninja. There went any chance of her eating today.

Maybe if she apologized?

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I wasn't looking where I was going and." She bowed three times holding the third one and finally opening her eyes. She saw it even with her eyesight blurry in the minor villages it was something looked at with fear and envy. But ninja everywhere respected it. A symbol as one of the strongest Ninja in the world. The Hat of a Kage.

Worse it was the Hat of the Hokage! Great! She just had to run into some super powerful Konoha ninja that the Head Ninja was probably desperately trying to appease. Dammit! Why didn't she feel them before this? Her Mind's eye had only been down for ten minutes at most.

"Oh," A woman's voice, calm and so much like her mother's fluttered through the air like a butterfly. "Are you okay? Sorry I really should have watched where I was going"

Red. A curtain of red filled the air, blocking out everything. "I like your hair ya'know? It is almost the same as mine." The woman continued to speak. But Karin could say nothing. Who was this woman?

"Lady Kushina, please disregard her, she's nothing more than a staff here at the hospital."

Staff huh? Last she checked she was nothing more than a tool to be used until it broke.

Kushina didn't seem to respond to him at all. Instead, she reached down towards her hat and picked up Karin's glasses. "My Assistant always gets on me for walking into stuff all the time, she keeps saying that I need glasses. If I did need glasses." Kushina placed them onto Karin's head, pushing some of the hair out of the way. "I hope that they'd make me look as cute as they do you."

The woman in front of her was beautiful and kind with purple eyes that told her everything Karin could ever want to know about the woman. More so than her Mind's Eye ever could.

"My Name's Kushina," She stuck her hand out smiling at her. "Sorry for bumping into you like that, hey what's your name."

"Karin," She half mumbled reaching out to Kushina's hand. The woman grabbed hers with both hands and shook it, then one of her hands moved forward pushing up Karin's sleeve, and tracing one of her bite marks. "That's umm."

"Do they treat you well here?" Kushina whispered, but it sounded more like the coming of a storm. Her smile was still there, her eyes hadn't changed shape, but something had changed. Like a sleeping animal had just woken up and was out for blood. Just as quickly as it appeared it vanished. And Karin found Kushina's wrist in front of her mouth. "Here, take a bite."

"Are you sure?" Karin stared at the arm wide-eyed. She had never tried to bite anyone but herself before.

"Yea, yea, trust me. It's an old Uzumaki trick." Uzumaki trick? What did that mean? "Just as you can give your own life force to others, you can receive it to Ya'know?"

That actually made sense. Karin bit down on Kushina's and felt the woman's life force pour into her. It was a complicated, chakra of so many different flavors washed into her, some of it vile, others like raging fire, but the majority of it was like drinking pure water after a hot day of work. In no time at all, she was fully restored. But it wasn't done yet, her scars were healing.

"There, that's better right?" Kushina pulled her wrist away and rubbed Karin on the head. "A cute little girl like you shouldn't have any scars. Sorry if my Chakra tasted funny, it's kind of a whole bunch of things mixed together. Uhh, actually I probably shouldn't have given you my chakra. If you start seeing color let me know."

She was seeing colors alright. Just looking at Kushina's chakra was something else. A lot of her chakra look coiled inside of her dripping with energy, while other bits of it felt fake like it was chakra that had been altered, some of the chakra roared through the coils like a caged beast. And it was all held together by a glow of regular chakra that told Karin one thing.

She was safe.

And that anybody that tried to make her unsafe was at least thirty kinds of fucked.

"Now then Daichi," Kushina reached down dusting off her hat and placing it on, putting herself between Karin and the Head Ninja.

"Actually it's Kageyama, Lady Kushina." The Head Ninja fought back a frown. And Karin smiled.

Kushina waved him off. "Whatever you say, Tanaka. Anyways, I like this girl. I'm taking her."

Kageyama glared at her, and Karin did something she hadn't done in a long time, she hid behind a woman and stuck her tongue out at him. She felt like she was five again. "You can't, she's useful to us. And that is not part of our treaty."

"You know I was kind of hoping you would have said what you wanted." Kushina sighed and patted Karin on the head. "You see I kind of have a lot of stuff you could ask for. I mean Tsunade's in the village."

"You'd give me Tsunade for that tool?" He let his guard, his aura matching his words.

Kushina laughed. "Ha, if I sent her here she'd make it a crater and go on a drinking binge until I send my son after her only for her to say her hand slipped or something. But if you really want a drunk time bomb I can send her here. Well… I can put in the request. She basically does what she wants. Oh hey! I know! You like Karin here because she can heal your idiots right?"

"Idiots?"

"Well if they're getting damaged enough that they need to rely on a scaring a little girl to heal them, then yea they're idiots."

"Do you talk to your own ninja that way?"

"Yea, especially Kakashi." Kushina's hands twitched and her smile was actually rather frightening. "But anyway, here's my deal. You can send two ninja with me to Konoha and I'll talk Tsunade into training them. Think about it, one girl for two apprentices of Tsunade?"

Kageyama looked at her and shrugged, his smile full of pride like he had just won the lottery. He was trading a dried up juice box for two potentially powerful ninja. "I'd be a fool to pass that up. Very well, Lady Kushina, I agree to your terms."

XXXX

"Umm, Lady Kushina."

"Oh please, call me mom, Kushina, Momkage if you're feeling really formal, or if you want to freak people out call me Head Bitch of Konoha…. But only if you don't think I'm an actual bitch." Kushina spun down to look at her, tears in her eyes and a cute pout on her lips. "You don't think I'm a bitch right?"

"No, of course not." Karin's smile died. Her whole life was now on her back and she was going to Konoha under the protection of this mysterious red-headed woman that was the Hokage. Apparently, she was an Uzumaki, she had heard that name before in the history books, a clan that had been wiped out before she was born. And this woman was one too. But that didn't explain why. "I just wanted to know why you're doing this for me."

"Cause I want to duh?" The worry on Kushina's face was replaced by a silly look with her tongue sticking out. Was this really the Hokage. "But if that's not good enough. You're an Uzumaki, you're cute, like super cute. I wish I was as cute as you were when I was your age. And you were suffering. Satisfied?"

"Uhh, kind of?" It really didn't matter too much, she could feel that Kushina was a good person. Even if she was rather odd. Okay very odd. Besides Sasuke was in Konoha! This was like destiny! She'd be able to meet him and thank him for saving her then they'd fall in love and she'd be his loving wife that would see him off on dangerous missions and then slowly heal with lots of bed rest.

"Fine, you also remind me of me and I want you to marry my son." Kushina huffed, flicking a booger out of her nose that cracked the window it landed on.

"What?" Marriage? "But I already have someone I like in Konoha."

"Oh come on really?" Kushina pouted like a bear that couldn't reach a beehive. "I'm not even going to force you. Watch I'll introduce you to him and my other son and my assistant, oh and uh Sakura! Right Sakura, she follows us around for some reason. Anyways just keep an open mind that he's going to be the Hokage one day and that he's single and I want grandbabies. He's also your age."

As they approached the guest house reserved for important visitors Karin felt her throat tighten. She heard shouting from inside. She prepared herself for the worse, the family of someone that would just pick her up off the street that was also the Hokage must be at least three kinds of crazy.

When they opened the door it was like a hurricane of swear words had been bottled up for a hundred centuries. And then viscously shaken.

"What the **** $#%^# Kushina! You ! #%# ! # ^% #$^ 4 !# % ! #%43 $ ^%# #$^%^ $$^ !#$^# Why the ! #!%^ Did you #$%#% tie me ! #!$ up you ! #!$%$# God damn $%$#%$# airheaded bimbo!" All of that came out from a very angry looking redhead that was currently tied to the chair via chains. Flaking her was a girl her age with pink hair, a boy with blonde hair and.

"Sasuke."

"Wow, language young lady," Kushina let out a low whistle like wind howling through a canyon. "I told you that I didn't want you following me around today. Shoyo said that he wanted to meet alone."

"And I # $ said to #$^$ have fun getting #%#^ hit on all day by some $^# bastard!" The redhead growled stomping her bare feet on the ground. It was then that the redhead's fiery gaze fell upon Karin. And the anger seemed to vanish instantly. "Did you pick up another stray?"

"Yep," Kushina pulled Karin in tightly. Oh, so she was a stray now. "This is Karin she's an Uzumaki! Karin the cute girl with pink hair is Sakura she stalks my two sons." Said girl blushed at the accusation and muttered something under her breath. "The one in the chains is Tayuya, she's my assistant and makes sure I don't do anything too crazy." Tayuya muttered more curses and the job sucking ass, "The blond one is my son Naruto, and I guess you know the other one cause you just said his name. Anyways," Kushina wagged her finger at Naruto, Sasuke, and Tayuya. "She's going to marry one of you." Kushina wagged her finger at the two boys and the angry red.

"Why the Hell are you pointing at me for?" Tayuya stomped trying to shake free from her chair.

"Because you basically scream that you're a hardcore lesbian. Why do you think that I haven't set you up with my son yet?" Kushina shrugged like it was no big deal.

And Karin wondered if it was too late to escape.

 **AN: Hey look another girl joins Kushina's harem! ... Err.. family! And I still have no idea who Naruto is going to end up with! Huzzah! Anyways. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Here's a preview for the next chapter.**

"Yes, Lord Orochimaru."


	9. I'm sorry I don't speak nerd

There was nothing quite as amazing as coming home after a long trip and crashing down onto her bed and just being able to sleep. The reports were done, Tsunade didn't burn down the village, and all of her children were safe and sound under the watchful eye of Tayuya. Tayuya was a good person, she'd make sure that everybody went to bed one way or another.

Probably. The girl was on the highway of becoming a drunkard by the time she was twenty though. Maybe she should give her a vacation of some kind. Ooh, that sounds great. A nice relaxing vacation Somewhere sunny and warm with a nice beach. It was a nice though, but she'd need to work out some details. Like when, where, and who would she take.

It was something to dream about. Minato always was jealous of her ability to pass the fuck out whenever she wanted. Like right about -

"Good Evening Lord. Orochimaru."

Well, that woke her the fuck up. Kushina opened her eye to glare at the soon to be corpse that was doing a bunch of things she hated. Waking her up, surprising her, calling her Orochimaru, and sounding like he needed to be punched. Oh, and he had a punchable face. It was that four-eyed guy that used to serve Orochimaru. Kito? Kirito? Ah way Kabuto, she remembered his name because it sounded like 'I'm an idiot.'

"The hell do you want?" He better answer good or else she was going to bury him alive. Actually, she was going to seal him. Then she was going to seal the seal. And then find out what happens when an animal eats a double sealed thing. Maybe Gamabunta.

Kabuto didn't get up from his kneel, it was just like the Anbu reported to her. Except for Hoshi, but Hoshi was a prick. "I have come with a status update of all your facilities. And I must congratulate you on a successful infiltration of Konoha, pretending to be Kushina Uzumaki and installing yourself as the Hokage was nothing short of brilliant, now you also have Sasuke Uchiha in your own home, but you also have the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki complete trust. Truly a genius move on your part. Lord. Orochimaru."

She really hated how he said, Lord Orochimaru, like it was two sentences and each syllable was its own word. "I'm not Orochimaru kid."

"As you say, Lord. Orochimaru," Kabuto managed to bow even deeper. "If you're ready for the report I can give it now."

"My name is Kushina, Ku-Shiiii-Na." She sighed, sitting up in her bed. Okay, so she was going to listen to this report, send Anbu to unfuck whatever Orochimaru and this creepy kid did. Then she was going to figure out how many times she could seal someone. She sealed a city before, shouldn't be too hard to seal one little prick. "But fine, give me your report."

"Yes, Lord. Orochimaru." Seriously? Was he messing with her, or was he that stupid. Both? To be fair, messing with her and not being funny about it was kind of stupid. "Underground base C31 is has finished its repairs on the shark tank with all subjects accounted for. Base 223 has been wiped out, your library near the valley of the end is fully stocked an prepped for your transfer. Labs thirty-one, 11, A, and Omega have been discovered and are currently being ransacked by ninja villages, root base one has been shut down, and red squadron has successfully blown up the death star. The gate to Narnia is still locked but the dwarves are getting close to a breakthrough. Rogue Squadron has been eliminated and performed badly in the box office. I'm making shit up right now, why are you still reading this? The Raikage is currently brooding that his tea was slightly to cold and his advisors are attempting to set him up it is very unlikely that he would ever consider dating someone. He also hates redheads. So don't get your hopes up. The Mist is still in rebellion but I believe that the rebels will be victorious soon, I have sent several squads to gather anything of value so far they have reported the ark of the covenant and all six harry potter films, yes there's just six calling something part one and two does not make it two separate movies. Suna has a new Kazekage and appears to have a fondness for sleeping. Atasuki appears to be rather confused about something, but your old partner Itachi has been seen in east Philadelphia where a couple of fools were up to no good. Additionally Jugo has been acting up and-"

Kushina fell backward, snoring loudly.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Kushina opened her eye to see (and hear Kabuto) giving his report and her alarm clock standing in the doorway a cute little Karin was holding onto the girl for dear life. Tayuya pointed towards Kabuto. "What the fuck is he doing here?"

"Woah Tayuya, I knew you were a lesbian but I didn't expect you to corrupt Karin so fast."

"Quit projecting on me you old hag." Tayuya flipped her the bird. "She slept in my room because all the other beds are full. Now, what the fuck is Four Eyes doing here?"

Kushina shrugged, righting herself so that the floor wasn't the ceiling. "Language young lady. And I don't know, he just kind of showed up last night and has been giving his report ever since. Do you think he's busted?"

Kabuto continued to drone on, oblivious to the world around him. Then he looked up with that cold smile of his. "And then there is Konoha which currently has you as the Hokage and the Sound Four working within the Hokage office as trusted advisors. Ahh, Tayuya it is good to see you alive and well."

"Can I kill him?" Tayuya pointed the sharp end of her Kunai at him.

"I don't trust him," Karin mumbled from behind Tayuya. Those two were so cute! Like sisters! She should get Karin to call Tayuya big sister! "His chakra feels nasty."

"I assure you, Lord. Orochimaru." Kabuto stood, hand still crossed over his chest. "There is no need to act rashly if I have displeased you, please give me a task to earn your favor once again."

Kushina snorted flopping her hair over her shoulder. "Find my son a girlfriend and you got a deal. But she has to be like me. Bonus points if she's a redhead."

She still hadn't given up on Tayuya, Karin, Sakura, and turning Gaara into a girl. One of those things were bound to happen. Probably her son was cute funny and adorable! And he was going to be a hottie when he grew up! Probably. But having more options was a good thing. Hell, look at her she only had one option and ended great! Well, she technically had two but nothing was going to happen with Mikoto and everybody knew that.

"As you wish Lord. Orochimaru." Kabuto bowed and walked out of her room, sliding past Tayuya who kept the pointy end of her Kunai pointed at him the whole time.

"It's Kushina you knob! And next time knock on the front door! And stay out of my room! I'm series!" She huffed blowing some hair out of her face. Did that guy really just sneak into her room and watch her sleep the whole night? What a creep. "I think we need better security."

"You're the one that said you were the Hokage and that you didn't need any security." Tayuya had a point, as much as she hated to admit it. "Anyways, now that you're up, get dressed you have like six meetings today we need to enlist Karin, and Jiraiya really wants to speak to you about something."

"But I just got back!" Kushina flopped onto her bed. "Can't you take it easy on me just once Tayuya? I mean really it's not fair you're taking out your sexual frustration on me."

"It's not fair for us that you're living promiscuously through your son because you can't get over your husband is dead."

…

…

"Too far?"

"Just a bit."

XXXX

Jiraiya was becoming one of her increasingly least favorite people. "So let me get this straight. You want to take Naruto out of the village."

"Yep." Jiraiya nodded.

Kushina nodded letting the man's own words sink into that rock he called a brain. "Knowing full well that Atasuki is still out there being Biju hungry assholes?"

"They're laying low at the moment." Jiraiya scratched his cheek, looking away from her and towards Tayuya for support. Her assistant gave him nothing but the finger, that a girl. "It should be safe."

"Huh huh. And you want to do what exactly?" She leaned forward using her hands to hide her smile. She was enjoying this. Watching Jiraiya squirm was just so satisfying.

"To train him-"

"To Train him to use the Kyuubi." Kushina finished for him nodding to herself. "And you think that the best way to do this is to take him away from me. The best person in the world to deal with the Kyuubi, both in experience, sealing, and these really super awesome chakra chains that basically make him roll over like a puppy?"

"Well, I also want to train him and-"

"Go around whoring and drinking while you train my son? Huh huh, Minato told me about how you train." Kushina smiled. "I will allow you to train Naruto, but you don't get to leave Konoha unless I say so."

"Oh come on Kushina, the boy needs to get out there and see the world! It'll be healthy for the brat." Jiraiya waved his hand. "I'll even try to introduce him to some girls along the way. I know about this village that's filled with woman where if a man beats them in a fight they have to marry them."

"Jiraiya." Kushina clicked her teeth and shook her head. "I'm not going to trust you with finding my son a girlfriend. Especially how your track record is about one girl per failed attempt at getting Tsunade to date you."

"Ouch."

"Besides that's my project, not yours. Like I said you can train Naruto here in Konoha. I can even take him off mission duty and you can take him on little trips. But for three years? No way in hell." Kushina smiled. "That's the conditions. Take them or leave them."

"Bah, you're lucky I see Minato in the brat."

"I know," Kushina smiled turning her attention to the picture of Minato she kept on her desk, right next to one of her son. "I see a lot of him too, just let me be his mom for a little while longer okay?"

"You'll never stop being his mom."

 **AN: Hey look Kabuto. Also Cocaine is one hell of a drug! Next chapter Kabuto introduces a new girl or two! Wanna guess who the'll be?**

Support me here! /W7W0ATDK# Or not up to you.

Please review or favorite and follow!


	10. Redheaded Step-Clone

It was five kinds of miserable. The first kind was miserable that had been following her around since she had come back alive, that one probably wouldn't ever go away, it was not unique, nearly everyone knew the pain of loneliness, everybody in her house knew this misery.

The second kind was knowing that she had things to do yet was both unable and unwilling to act. It was the misery of procrastination.

The third kind was closely tied to the first in that she was worried what she was putting off. Another stupid meeting this Monday, followed by a community project that she needed to somehow get the money together. Maybe a sexy Kunoichi swimsuit calendar? Actually, wait. That was a good idea.

"Tayuya!" Kushina called rolling on her couch as the overbearing summer heat stole the life from her. The ceiling fan was spinning as fast as it could before it would fly off and join its people in the kingdom in the land of fans.

The fifth kind of misery (She'll get back to the fourth) was this damn summer heat. Sure Suna had been unbearable. But it was a dry heat. This was like living in hot soup and it sucked, she was sweaty and sticky wherever she went. Apparently, temperature control was not a feature Orochimaru installed in her body.

"Fuck off," Tayuya's voice drifted in from outside. Her assistant was smart, taking this opportunity to fill up a child's pool in the shade outside. Something she wouldn't dare share with anybody. Even as her cute little son stared at her longingly.

And that was her fourth kind of misery. The inability to get her son any kind of girlfriend. She knew he liked girls. He liked Sakura, hell he admitted to liking Karin and Tayuya as well, which meant she was on the right track. It just so happened that Sakura and Karin, well they were.

"Come on Sasuke," Sakura whined when was the last time she slept at her own home again? Ehh, she was the cute kind of boss and was a natural neat freak that was basically their maid at this point. "Don't you want to go to the river with me? I have a brand new swimsuit."

"No way," Karin snarled. Of course, her most recent addition to the household and her fellow Uzumaki came preinstalled with a crush on Sasuke, which wasn't a bad thing per say, given how he was her son now. "He wants to go to the movies with me."

Sasuke said nothing sitting on the kitchen table with two drinks in front of him, one from each girl, despite how refreshing they looked he refused to drink either of them. Drinking one would basically be saying he preferred Sakura or Karin. If anything Sasuke was more attracted towards Tayuya or herself, judging by how often he stole a glance at her.

Not that she could blame him, she was hot as hell - Tayuya was cute too - and was currently probably wearing something a little risky. A blank tank top that left her midriff exposed and a pair of shorts that might be about the same size as a pair of boxers. It was hot. It wasn't like she was always this perverted.

Tayuya was a special case. The girl was adamant that she was never ever in a million years ever going to become any more related to her than she already was. Which meant dating Naruto was in the territory of 'Fuck No' and Sasuke would cause her to laugh so hard she'd fall over.

A perfectly dysfunctional Uzumaki Family. They even came with a divorced crazy aunt and uncle with Jiraiya and Tsunade. There was something there, but with those two it was hard to tell the difference between love or hate. Kakashi was their dog or something.

Wait what was she worried about again?

Fuck. It was hot.

A knock came from the door. It wasn't the random knock that was someone coming to say hi, this was the obnoxious rhythmic knock of someone annoying showing up. She would know, she knocked in the same pattern every time. "Tayuya!"

"No." That was fair. It was their day off.

"Sakura?" Kushina stared at the ceiling fan before looking back at the most responsible member of team seven. Nope, she was making heart eyes at Sasuke. Heh, if she blocked out Sasuke it would look like Karin and Sakura were making lovey-dovey eyes at her. Now, if she just put Naruto there.

Another knock.

"I got it!" Naruto shouted, running a popsicle still hanging out of his mouth. At least she had one useful person in the house. He opened the door and stood there in silence for a few moments. Then slammed it shut. "Mom it's for you!"

Crud. Kushina pulled herself off the couch with a titanic effort. "This better be worth it."

Should she bother to be decent? Ehh, that seemed like a lot of work, she was going to have to get dressed and then get undressed. Ehh what's the worse it could be Jiraiya? Danzo? Random council member? Foreign dignitary? Yea-nope, let them realize that they're dealing with a bitch that has it all.

Plus an Ego. But being fat-headed was an Uzumaki thing.

"Who is it?" She asked her son.

"Four eyes." Naruto shrugged. "Isn't he a doctor or something? Maybe Granny needs you."

Four eyes, four eyes. Oh right. Kimiko. Wait… no. That wasn't his name. Probably. Still, she better see what he wanted, mostly so she could throw him in jail sooner rather than later. Why was she letting him run free again?

With a yawn, Kushina opened the door and put on her best resting bitch face for Kabuto (It was on lease from Tayuya). "What you want?"

"Good Day, Lord. Orochimaru." Kabuto gave her a curt nod a sick smile on his face, he adjusted his glasses so that sun reflected off of them. "I have come to report that I have succeeded in my mission."

Mission? What mission? She turned her attention to the Kabuto's left where a slightly shorter than him figure stood wearing a brown cloak. She was slender, and her bare feet were chained together. Peeking under the hood Kushina saw a few strands of red hair and a pale face. Oh right! Kabuto was supposed to find Naruto a girlfriend that was like her! "You have, have you? Are you going to introduce us?"

"Yes, Lord. Orochimaru." With the snap of his fingers, the girls cloak fell away revealing what might as well be a miniature version of herself. She had long crimson red hair that stopped just short of her ass and the body of a sixteen-year-old that put Tayuya's to shame in a couple areas. But she was also really cute. "I present to you Subject, B132056345, a hybrid clone from using your current body's DNA as well as that of Naruto Uzumaki, Tsunade Senju, and numerous other stabilizers to make sure that everything went well during her development. Her development is now that of a normal sixteen-year-old girl so she will be able to live a normal life as a love interested for Naruto Uzumaki."

Kushina blinked, eyeing the girl up and down. She was wearing a sundress that was a nice yellow color showing off her figure. The girl also gave Kabuto the evil eye like she wanted to punch him. Kushina like her. "So let me get this straight, instead of going out and finding a girl, you made a girl."

"Yes, Lord. Orochimaru."

"And you made her using my DNA and Naruto's DNA as well?" She raised an eyebrow turning her attention back to Kabuto. "To be Naruto's love interest and future mother of his children?"

"Yes, Lord. Orochimaru, but I assure you, while she does have your DNA and that of Naruto's any children she births." The Clone Punched Kabuto in the arm letting out a savage growl. Yep. She liked this girl. "Will be stable."

"Uh huh." Kushina let out a low growl that made the girl smile. "That's creepy as fuck."

She slammed the door in their face. There was no way that she was going to set her son up with what was basically his older sister. Even if she was probably no more than a few months old. Wait. Naruto's Sister made her, her daughter. She opened the door again grabbed the clone by the arm and pulled her inside. "I like her, I'm keeping her. Piss off, no more cloning. Your mission isn't over."

She slammed the door shut again.

"So uh, do you have a name?" Kushina asked her new daughter. God, she had a teenage daughter now. She was so not ready for this.

"No, I have number." The girl grunted each word. Great, looks like someone was going to have to teach the girl basic speech, probably a bunch of stuff. The clone lifted up her wrist showing off the bar code that was tattooed on her. "You give Name? Lord Oro-"

Kushina slapped a hand over the girl's mouth. "No, you don't call me that, Call me Kushina or if you're comfortable with me, mom, okay?"

The girl nodded, and Kushina let her hand drop. "You give name. Mom?"

It took all of her willpower not to stomp her feet and squeal. At least the girl - no, her daughter - understood her well enough so that was good. "Awesome, now let's see a name for you. Uhh, well you're going to be Naruto's older sister so uhh Naruko or maybe just Naru? What do you think?"

"That Lazy."

"Don't sass me, You're Naruko now, that was we can use both!" Kushina smiled pulling her newfound daughter into a hug. "Now then, I'm sweaty as hell, so let me get changed and I'll introduce you to everybody. Feel free to explore the house."

XXXX

This was hell.

This was a special kind of hell that he did not deserve. Sasuke groaned as Sakura tried to offer him an orange slice and Karin an apple slice. He wanted the strawberries, the ones that Tayuya had hoarded for herself and was currently eating in her oasis while reading her book. "Leave me alone."

"Aww Sasuke," Sakura leaned in close smiling. "I completely agree, why don't you get lost, Karin?"

"Me?" His other live in stalker tried to act offended. "Clearly he's talking about you. You don't even live here!"

"I've known him longer."

"True love knows no bounds."

Great, they were arguing again. He didn't have the energy to deal with this today. He wanted to take a nap, maybe try to train when it cooled off, or talk to Tayuya as the only other sane person in their house. And of course, try to not stare at Kushina wearing basically nothing all day.

He watched as she bounced down the hallway a giant smile on her face. Apparently, the slamming of the front door was a good thing. Shame he couldn't hear the conversation over these two preening over him. Why couldn't they understand that he wanted nothing to do with them?

More importantly, why was he still here?

That answer came in when a woman walked into the kitchen and stole his breath away. Her long red hair flowed behind her like a pair of bloody angel wings. She was beautiful, with her one purple eye and one blue eye, and a pale face that was round like Kushina's. If anything she almost looked like a younger version of his wannabe-mother. "You Sasuke?"

He nodded and she parted Karin and Sakura like they were a branch in her way. She placed one arm around his shoulder and straddled his waist. "I Naruko, or Naru, not sure. Am Naruto Sister."

She kissed him long and hard. "And you Boyfriend now."

On second thought this was heaven.

 **AN: No one guessed Fem Naruto? Anyways I wrote this in two hours after losing my job(I hated it) so uhhh have fun!**

 **support me at Ko-fi Yojimbra Or not Up to you.**

 **Please Review!**


	11. Kushina's not in this one

Despite being perpetually pale the summer sun agreed with Tayuya. Just lounging around in her miniature pool did wonders for her soul. It also helped that she had given herself a vacation. Running the village was hard work, especially when she had to keep Kushina in line as well, it was amazing that she hadn't killed anybody yet.

She deserved a reward for not murdering someone.

And it was all thanks to Naru that she was able to relax like this. The girl, despite coming with a Sasuke obsession built in, was a blank slate and a quick study. It took almost no time for Tayuya to show her the ropes of making sure Kushina didn't break the village. And after a year of teaching, she finally felt like she could take some time off.

As to why she was still at home relaxing in her pool as opposed to leaving the village and going somewhere fun. Mostly because that shit was expensive, and because she had about a year's worth of cleaning up Kushina's emotional torment to do.

Tayuya shifted in her pool, rolling her shoulders side to side. It was probably a good time to get out of it, she was out of lemonade anyways. Might as well get back to work as this fucked up families head doctor. At least Kabuto hadn't shown up since he brought Naru. She did not need any more basket cases in this place, especially not with Sakura all but living here while her and Karin studied medical jutsu as a way to get over Sasuke being taken by Naru.

She hummed a tune, trying off, and placing on a white shirt that preserved more modesty than her black two-piece did. No pants though. Today was a no pants day, besides Naruto probably didn't mind. She certainly caught the perv staring at her more than a few times.

Stepping out from the kitchen, her drink refilled with just enough ice cubes, she made her way to Naruto's room. And entered the only way that she knew how to. As loud as possible, it was closer to a rampaging bull, than a refined woman making her entrance. The door bounced off the wall, slamming back into place behind her as she leapt onto Naruto's bed, bouncing once before landing to look at the blond, drink still intact.

Naruto's room was every bit as boy as it could get, bits of carpet could be seen through the clothes, and a pile of clean clothes sat on what was likely an empty dresser, the bed was messy, and what few books there were sat on a desk with the shelf space being used for a few nicknacks, scrolls, and kunai. And yet somehow it was still cleaner than Karin's or Kushina's room. She'd like to blame Sasuke clean room on Naru but the boy was actually neat.

"Sup' Numbnuts?" She took a sip from her drink, eyeing the blond boy that was one of the more bearable people she had to deal with on a daily basis. He had grown up over the past year, not a lot, but enough to showcase a bit of muscle on his body. He still wasn't a man by anybody's definition, but it was growing harder to call him a boy.

Naruto barely reacted to her sudden intrusion, instead he looking up from his book, a manga to be exact, and raising an eyebrow at her. "Did you run in here just to make my bed wet?"

"You should be honored its the only time a girl will make your bed wet." She wiggled her but onto his bed and bounced once getting a wet smack of her hair. "Besides what are you doing home? Still depressed?"

"I'm not depressed."

"And I'm not a redhead. Up next on things that aren't true, Kushina Uzumaki isn't insane, Naru hates Sasuke and Sakura and Karin are in a lesbian relationship. Wait, shit that last one might actually be true." She stirred her drink, watching as Naruto's face began to burn. Teasing him had to be good for her skin or something. "But really, what's been eating at you?"

"How could you tell?" Naruto turned in his chair, manga now closed at his desk.

"For fucks sake, you're sitting alone in your room reading a goddamn manga Naruto, in the middle of summer, instead of going out there and training, running around, pulling pranks, or peeping on hot girls with Jiraiya, And don't pretend you don't do that cause I've caught you more than once looking through that peephole you think I don't know about. Like really staying inside all day reading is something Sakura or Karin would do." She took a long sip of her drink, glaring at Naruto and letting her words sink in. "Now tell me what's got your panties in a twist."

"I don't wear panties."

"Pfft, whatever I don't kink-shame, now tell me what's wrong."

Naruto sunk into his chair. "You're not going to leave me alone until I tell you are you."

"Oh, so there is something wrong." She smiled at his pout, allowing the ice cubes of her drink to clang against the glass. "But yea, I ain't leaving until we talk this shit out."

Naruto groaned. "Well I mean, it's kind of my mom."

She figured as much. "Oh, no what's she done now?"

"She hasn't done anything and I'm happy she's a part of my life now. But, I don't know. I just feel like she's more obsessed with finding me a girlfriend than she is spending time with me." Naruto flopped his hands about, never keeping them still for long like he was wringing out all the stress. "I mean I'm happy she does it but at the same time. I don't know. Like she's just wasting her time. I mean, look at how many girls she's tried to set me up with, all of them have kind of not gone anywhere."

"Hey, hey, hey!" She sat up and gave an obnoxious slurp from her mostly empty glass. "This better not be about you thinking you're the problem here. You're a great guy Naruto. And there are plenty of girls that would date you. Just not with your mom trying to push you down their throats with all the talk about marrying, cute babies, and whatever other nonsense she spouts."

"Do you really mean that?" Naruto asked his blue eyes all but pleading. Damn that insane woman. She meant well, probably. But she clearly wasn't helping.

Tayuya snorted, reaching into her drink for a still fresh ice cube and crunched down onto it. It was still hot as balls. "Have I ever lied to you once?"

"Well no but,"

"But nothing. Even if I was lying, which I'm not by the way. You wouldn't even know because you've never seen me lie to you." She stood, kicking at the boxers that sat on the ground. "Now come on, let's get out of here go to the movies, get some ice cream, just not be in this house. Studies say there's no better way to cure a teenage boys depression than spending the day with a pretty girl."

Naruto smiled, finally standing from his chair. Damn, he was taller than her now. Not by much, but by enough. Which considering how she was hyper-aware of how short she was, that meant she could spot an inch of difference from a mile away. "So who's the pretty girl that'll be joining us?"

She punched him. Right in the stomach. "Just for that, you're paying for everything."

Naruto buckled, clutching his stomach doing his best to milk her brashness for all he could. Unfortunately, she was fresh out of pity. "Why do I have to pay? You make more than me!"

"Cause spending money on fun stuff is also a cure for depression." Probably. Made her feel better sometimes. "Or at the very least it'll make me happy."

"Fine, should we get dressed or are you going to walk around in a bikini all day."

"I'll put on a skirt."

XXXX

"So, which one do you want to see?"

"Which one has the most explosions and the hottest chicks?"

"Wow, mom was right you are a lesbian."

Tayuya snorted, crossing her arms with a huff, rather than an actual skirt she had on a floral pattern towel wrapped around her waist. Except instead of flowers it has Shuriken and was black and red. Naruto had opted for shorts and a plain orange shirt. They both opted for sandals. "She's just projecting."

"My mom's not gay, she was married to my dad and had me. That's like the straightest thing ever." Naruto turned pouting.

"Whatever, don't come crying to me when she brings home a girlfriend. Hell, I think part of the reason why she's trying to set you up with a redhead is because she's trying to live through you." Tayuya shrugged, looking over the three possible movies; Battle for the Sage Two, Yojimbo, and Kunai of Steel. "Hmm, Want to see Battle for the Sage Two?"

"I haven't seen the first one."

"Yojimbo it is!" She grabbed his arm pulling him towards the theater, waving towards the booth operator. Perk of being the Hokage's assistant, and being with the son of the Hokage. Free movies! Especially if they bought some overpriced and super buttered popcorn. Wait. She wasn't paying for it anyways.

"Huh? What about Kunai of Steel?" Naruto asked, almost bouncing on one foot behind her.

Tayuya rolled her eyes, smiling back at him. "That's a chick flick, you watch that you'll be having your puberty in no time. Though that might be a good thing, your mom can set you up with that Gaara dude if you're a girl."

After Naruto bought the popcorn and a drink - the cheapskate only bought one! - they headed into the theater, finding a seat in just the right spot.

"So, umm why don't you have a boyfriend? Or a girlfriend." Naruto added on that last bit with a smile that she wanted to slap off his face. "Like, you're pretty, smart, and funny, it shouldn't be that hard for you."

"You forgot my award winning personality and my resting bitch face."

"Actually I heard someone say you have a resting 'I'm going to kill you face'"

Tayuya shrugged, they weren't wrong. She did glare at almost everybody far more than she should. It served her well in life. "I'm just not interested in anybody. Like at all. Like really look at the boys around our age, There's Busy-brows, that's probably the hardest pass ever, Neji looks like a pillow biter, that Shikamaru bastard pisses me off for some reason. Basically, they're all undateable trash."

"Besides," She shrugged, grabbing a handful of popcorn. "If I wasn't single I wouldn't be able to watch movies like this with you, I don't have to worry about hurting someone else's feelings or any of the junk. I get to look out for me and me alone. Being single is great."

"Huh, I never thought about it that way." Naruto leaned back in the chair smiling as the previews began to start. "You, know you're pretty smart."

"Pfft, tell me something I don't know." She slapped his arm over and over. "Now, shut your fat mouth the movie is about to start."

XXXX

"Oh, man that was awesome!"

"Right? If is saw that when I was a kid I'd try to be a samurai or something!"

"You still are a kid, you dork."

"Hey, you're not that much older than me." Naruto crossed his arms pouting despite the smile on his face. It lasted for all of a second. "But did you see the way he used his sword to cut through that arrow! That was so cool!"

"I know right! And then the way he cut down the big baddie at the end, what was it that he said again?" Tayuya laughed, nudging Naruto in the arm.

Her movie partner flipped a bit of his hair down, much like how the samurai had a tuff over his right eye, that hid the eyepatch that contained the third demon eye of Sanosuke. "I do this not because I enjoy it, but because it is my duty as your vassal."

"That's it! Ha! Man, that guy was a badass," Tayuya hummed swaying from side to side. "Now let's go get some ice cream, and head home."

"Isn't it close to dinner though? I think mom would be mad if we ate ice cream before dinner." Naruto pursed his lips, eyes closed like he was deep in thought.

She grabbed his arm, pulling him down the street again. She was going to force a good time down his throat even if it killed her. Well, it'd probably kill him. "I won't tell if you won't. Besides it's hot as fuck, all we have at the house is popsicles and Karin's lab experiments. And I want something that is chocolaty as shit."

"I don't think poop is very chocolaty."

"Shame that the only time you can be smart is when you're being a smartass."

Once they had gotten to the ice cream place and she ordered a chocolate monstrosity, that had chocolate sauce, fudge, brownie, chocolate chip cookie dough, all held together by a rich chocolate ice cream, while Naruto got a cone of some kind of sherbert, they began a slow walk home.

"I had a lot of fun today, Tayuya, thanks," Naruto said in between bites of his ice cream. He probably got it because of all the orange. "We should do this again sometime."

"Sure, just remember you're paying for it."

"Oh come on! Can't you pay some of the time?"

Tayuya rolled her eyes, taking another bite of the ice cream. "Hmm, how about, maybe? If I feel like it."

"That's better than a no."

 **AN: I wanted to write NaruTayu...**


	12. I'm not good at being a mom!

Why the fuck was she the sane one again? No sane wasn't quite the right word for that. Responsible? Mature? Adult? Ahh, that was the right word for this. Why the fuck was she the adult in this house? The closest one to an adult besides her with Karin and the test-tube baby Naru.

Up next was Sakura and Sasuke, as a distant second. Followed by Naruto of all people. Then sitting way in the back as the least adult person in the whole house who was the actual fucking adult and the Hokage, Kushina Uzumaki. As to how this woman was feared throughout the ninja world was lost on her.

Well, she might run the whole village, might as well try and fix all the bullshit that was happening with her home life. Why didn't she move out again?

When she found Kushina the woman was putting up a couple of snowglobes on a bookshelf.

Naturally, Tayuya forgot all about the reason why she showed up. "The fuck is with the snowglobes?"

"I get that you're angry because you're suppressing your lesbian urges but you really need to watch your language young lady." Kushina hummed a small smile was on her face as she placed another snowglobe on the shelf adjusting the globe just so. There was a good half dozen or so of the globes lining the top shelf, with another two acting as bookends. This was way too many snowglobes for a sane person to own. "And you're the one that said I needed a hobby besides trying to set my son up with girls."

Oh right, that's why she was here. And now she was angry again. She grit her teeth and drummed her fingers along the wall. She needed to remind herself that in theory, Kushina was the best thing to ever happen to her, by a long shot. Before she was just kind of angry and trying to survive, now she was just angry because she liked to be angry. Probably not healthy but hey, it was her life.

Tayuya breathed and closed the door behind her. It probably wouldn't do much good, she could already feel the storm on the horizon. One that would result in both of them shouting and yelling at each other. Her own fault for letting this whole thing fester for such a long time. Still, she had to handle this with all the grace and social tact she could muster.

"You're a shit mom." Crap. Well so much for subtlety, then again if she was too subtle Kushina wouldn't get the message so maybe it was best to take her out back and crush her skull in with the truth stick. It was better than watching the only real family she had go up in smokes.

Kushina blinked at her before returning to arranging the snow globes producing another one from a bag that had looked empty. The only clue that Kushina had heard her was that the smile was gone.

"Hey!" Tayuya snapped, being ignored was the easiest way to piss her off. She had been prepared for a shouting match. She was going to get something out of Kushina. She was going to fix this here and now! "Did you hear me? I said you're a shit mother! You're a barely functioning adult, all you're doing is giving Naruto a place to fucking live instead of actually raising him. You made a big fuss over him going on a training trip so that you could train him how to use the Kyuubi, but guess fucking what? You haven't done that once! You bounce from one new thing to the next never stopping to even consider the consequences or following things through. And no I'm not talking about the half dozen projects you've started as Hokage because I have no problem with making sure those things get finished."

She breathed taking a step forward, Kushina didn't so much as move like she was frozen in time. Whatever that was fine. She had a lot of ammo. "But I'm not a fucking mother, I can't raise them especially when I'm barely a year fucking older than them. Let's start with your fucking daughters, shall we? Not once did you try and teach Naru how to read, did you know she has an interest in seals? Oh or that her interest in Sasuke is based purely off of the genetic code that Orochi-fucking-maru and Kabuto put inside of her? Oh wait no that's fucking cute so you probably just ignored it and smiled.

"Speaking of Kabuto why the fuck did you just let him fucking go? The guy is an irredeemable creep! I would know! The bastard fucking raped me twice while I was high as a fucking kite on the drugs he forced me to test." Kushina finally turned to look at her, her eyes were wide and her arms fell to her side. "Yea, I bet you didn't know that about me, did you? Well, guess what there's a lot more than that."

The woman flinched, and said nothing, just biting her lip being as useless as always. She felt bad for half a second, maybe she didn't need to be shouting, maybe they could just sit down and have a nice talk about all this over a cup of tea. Fuck that. The anger came rushing back into her like an unending wave. "Did you know that Karin still cries at night sometimes because she feels like she's not good enough, she blames herself for her mother's death. Oh, and did you know that up until a few months ago she was cutting herself? You're fucking welcome by the way."

"Sasuke's still fucked in the head, even after you removed the seal from him. And guess what he still wants to kill his brother, but I guess that if you had the chance you'd fucking adopt and forget about him too. But I supposed that the best thing to happen to that kid is because of you even if it is just a hybrid clone of you that's mentally fucked into loving him." Her voice was cracking now. She was running out of stuff to shout about. Time to break out the big guns.

"Your own biological son, you know the one that you abandoned for thirteen fucking years only to go surprise! I'm here to say I'm your mom and then not fucking raise you. Really fucking needs his mother. Imagine that, would you? A boy that never knew his parents actually wanting to spend time with you? Go fucking figure. You're so obsessed with trying to find him a girlfriend that you don't spend any time with him. If you did then you'd realize that all of the girls you picked out for him are complete and utter shit. Especially Sakura and Karin by the way. You're so obsessed with such a stupid thing that you'd let a criminal walk away from you because he promised to bring you, redheads. Which by the way is the weirdest fucking fetish I've ever heard? Like when the fuck was the last time you did something as mother and son with him? You don't train him. You're basically a landlord that's way to invested in his love life." She slammed her hand against the wall, her voice was all but gone and she was short of breath now.

And yet Kushina hadn't moved. She stood there like a statue, the rain just sliding off of her. This whole thing had been pointless! Kushina was too fucking dense to realize it, then she was too fucking dense to be told about it. After a moment not flinching Kushina moved her hands the smallest amount, doing an open-palmed shrug her face twisting into the most pathetic smile she had ever seen.

"Are you done?" Kushina asked her, her voice cracked like an old boat in the middle of a storm.

Tayuya stood straight squaring her shoulders to glare up at the woman. Fine, if Kushina wasn't going to fight for this piece of shit family then she would. "What do you think?"

Kushina laughed, or was it a cry? The mask was breaking, the statue was cracking to reveal the sponge that had absorbed everything she had said. "You're right. I am a shit mom."

"My biggest fear when I was pregnant with Naruto was whether or not I'd be a good mom ya'know? That's why I learned how to cook so good and started doing all the housework. Minato said that I'd be a great mom. I never believed him. I just knew that I could rely on him to help me figure things out." Kushina was one of those ugly criers. That eternal beauty she carried was shattered by a torrent of snot and tears pouring down her face. "I thought I'd figure it out eventually. And that I'd have a lot of help. But then," she shrugged again turning her head to look out the window. "All this happened. And I didn't know what to do. All of a sudden my baby wasn't a baby and he was a teenager. One that had lived his whole life with me. I didn't know what to do."

"So you wanted him to give you a grandkid so you could have a second chance?" Tayuya sneered, and Kushina winced.

"When you put it like that it sounds a lot worse," Kushina mumbled between her sobs. "I just want him happy ya know? And I didn't feel like I was the best person for it. So I wanted him to find a girl that would make him happy, like how Minato made me happy. Is that so bad? I just wanted my son happy?"

"Naruto fucking loves you!" Tayuya jabbed her finger into Kushina's chest. "You fucking basket case. He's the easiest kid to make happy. All you have to do is give him ramen and say he'll be Hokage one day and he'll smile for a week fucking straight. You want to make him happy? Grow up and spend time with your son! It's not fucking hard."

"But how?"

"How the fuck should I know? I've never had a kid! And I don't ever want to have a kid. But really you're asking how to do something for once is fucking rich. Just fucking do it, not like you can fuck shit up more than it is." Tayuya sighed, great now she felt like the bad guy. "Also you're ugly as shit right now, so clean up then go spend time with your son for once in your life."

Kushina laughed trying to rub the ugly from her face with the back of her hands and using her sleeve as a kleenex. "Yes, ma'am."

"Good, and umm sorry for yelling at you like that I was kind of expecting you to shout back and stuff," She mumbled, trying her best not to blush after this victory. Whether or not anything would come of it remained to be seen.

Kushina hugged her, great, now she had snot and shit on her shirt. "I'm sorry you had to do this, to begin with, Tayuya. For what it's worth I do love you, more like a pain in the ass little sister than anything else, but family all the same."

"Oh good to know you can still talk shit when you're crying your eyes out, you useless lesbian." Tayuya smiled, returning the hug as best she could. "But I love you too in a completely platonic way. Because I don't roll that way."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

From that day forward Kushina made good on her word and stopped being a complete spazoid and actually started to raise her son and adoptive children. With activities such as training the family dog (Giant fox that was sealed inside of her son), getting in touch with relatives (Helping Sasuke plot revenge on Itachi), and sampling perfume, there was nothing special about that last one, they were literally testing perfumes.

XXXX

Kushina was the happiest she'd been in quite a while. And nothing was going to rain on her parade short of death. Okay, so maybe there were a few things, but nothing that would actually happen any time soon. She had a mother-son date with Naruto tonight and they were going to get ramen. They tried going to other places but ramen was just so much better.

A knock on the door echoed throughout the house and Kushina knew exactly who it was, no one else knocked like that. Her parade was now considerably rained on. With a sigh stomped to the front door, waving at the rest of her lovely little family as they waited for Naru to cook whatever she was cooking that night. It looked like rice and other not ramen stuff. She took a page from Tayuya's book and put on her best bitch face. "What do you want Kabuto?"

She was so arresting this guy tonight. And she had the perfect place to keep him.

"I have succeeded in my mission Lord. Orochimaru." He bowed in the door and gestured towards the twenty odd girls all with red hair that stood behind him. All of them looked like they didn't even belong in this fandom, and more than a few were… boys? "For your son, I present to you. Erza Scarlet, Erza Knightwalker, Rias Gremory, Princess Yona, Yoko Ritona, Shouto Todoroki, Kallen Stadtfeld, Shirayuki, Pyrrha Nikos, Morgiana, Nami, Yusa Emi, Chelsea, Lisara Restall, Maki Nishikino, Kirishima Eijirou, Mei Hatsume, Chise Hatori, Mahiru Koizumi, Satanichia Kurmizawa McDowell better known as Satania, Futaba Sakura."

Kushina sighed glaring at Kabuto. "We're full, piss of Kabuto and go to jail." She then slammed the door in his face. She slapped herself. "No more setting my son up, remember what Tayuya said."

She'd have an Anbu or someone take care of Kabuto. Maybe Kakashi, he wasn't doing anything. Wait, better idea, Tsunade.

There was a knock on the door. It wasn't Kabuto.

"Yes?" she asked, opening it an inch. One of the redheads stood in the doorway, she was wearing armor and had a very nice sword. And her hair was so pretty. Shame she wasn't paying attention to Kabuto's introduction.

The redheaded warrior gestured towards Kabuto who was now tied up - wow they work fast. "He basically kidnapped us and dragged us here for some reason, are you okay if we just end him?"

Oh, problem solved. "Please feel free, but no property damage please."

 **AN: This chapter brought to you by angry reviews! Except not really. It was mostly just me venting about why I don't like writing this fic. I made the cast to big. Anyways! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Tayuya is fun to write.**

 **Also, I'm kind of jealous how Kabuto got to go out, what with being killed by twenty redheads.**


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